Monday, December 12, 2005

Committed To the path

It is amazing just how things seem to become uncluttered once a decision is made. Yet at the same time, things rise to distract you from your chosen path.

Friday, December 09, 2005


I have been blessed in my life to have as some of my closest friends some very independent and freethinking women. They have looked at society and have challenged many things we, or more specifically, myself as a male, take for granted.

Often times in discussions I have things are raised that I was not aware were even issues.
In such cases I find myself defending the status Quo, feebly I must add, and after a time I realize that they have a very valid point.
What this has taught me more than anything is that perspective is extremely significant. What you might take for granted or not even consider, is, to someone else something of great concern.

Take for example the Question of when a woman gets married. From that point on, the unit that she has joined will forever be identified by the man’s name.
Now Society has accepted this, and I think most women don’t consider this. I must admit I never gave it a second thought until the other day, when Elva spoke about it on Fame.
Why should she not be recognized as a part of the unit in the name? Why is it, who she is should cease to exist? Why is it that in marriage she is the one that has to go change her name, yet the man gets to sit pretty?
All interesting Q’s that most dismiss, but valid enough to make us think about how matriarchal our society is.

Mind you that is just one example, and not every woman will have that as their pet peeve, you have many other issues that have been raised.

At times like those, I often joke and say, “Not my problem, I’m male”. And that’s simply because what else can one do than acknowledge that these issues exist. Often times I think I am liberal and open minded and that I am a strong supporter of women’s rights and freedoms, but every once in a while One of my female friends sit me down school me to another set of issues that I am totally oblivious to. All I can do is to show respect where it is due.

In any case I must say hats off to these ladies who challenge what society forces on them constantly. More power to you, and I mean it. I also thank you for opening my eyes to how you see the world.

Any way times almost up have to run. Will elaborate on some of these Issues later.

BTW nuff respect to 2 major contributors to this particular blog.
SM and MW
Others I have big up as well but these 2 individuals have been most radical in their views and have challenged me to change my thinking significantly.

Monday, December 05, 2005

I Watched Fahrenheit 9/11

After watching this much-hyped documentary I was shocked and horrified that the American Public had re-elected this man after watching it.

I must say the Film has made me somewhat dissatisfied with the capitalist system of rule.
Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING bush did after 9/11 was geared towards putting money in his and his friend’s pockets.

I mean yes we know this, but before, when I said it, there was some doubt. At the time I did not have concrete evidence of this, it was pure, well founded speculation. Now my hopes/delusions have been stripped away.

People, the sad truth is America is run by money. By extension that means people who are stinking filthy rich, like the Saudis, own that country.

In the documentary it was asked if we thought the Daddy bush was more loyal to the US than the Saudis seeing that he is paid 400,000US per year by the Govt. as opposed to the 1.8bilUS the Saudis has invested in him and his friends over the past 3 yrs. Hmmmmmm that’s a tuff one.
From day one the bush family has been in bed with the Middle East, using America’s might to help the Oil Rich friends make money. Oh and even cooler is the fact they are major players on the boards of one of the defense contractors that provide weapons for the US military forces. And u wonder why both daddy and Son Wanted wars so badly?

You know why the US Govt. allowed the Bin Laden’s to leave the US right after the attacks; it was because Bush and his cronies new better than to bite the hand that fed them. What’s the worst that could happen? Nixon already proved that once you are head of state, as our dear beloved Prime Minister put it, “The Law is Not a shackle”.


It is frustrating, the world we live in seems designed to screw the masses so the rich can get richer, and we cant do anything about it.

But then looking at the election I begin to see the same trend playing out. Not only do the Rich run America, but they are organized in clans of families. Remember Senator McCain the Intelligent Candidate for the Democratic Party, U know, the guy with a spine. Ever wondered why he lost. At the Time a TV analyst said from early he was gonna drop out soon and he gave the reason; “Kerry has the backing of the Nixons and Clintons”. At the time I was wondering so what, how influential is that, well now you know.

But to be fair to the American people, as SweetSimone pointed out to me, the Elections were decided on the issues of God vs. Gay marriages.
That’s a tuff call, A spineless and fickle leader who wants to support Gay marriages, as opposed to a clear and decisive Retard, with big money connections, who has no problem with spending American lives to earn more money for his own pockets.
Any way I have to run. There is more I wanted to say but time is against me. To be continued at a later date.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Scary Direction

Ok So Last Friday and Saturday saw me in a rather pensive mood, I had missed yet another deadline, with completion not looking to come anytime soon, added to that, I had some calls from a number of friends that Either shook me up or they were being shaken up, all in a it was a pretty ‘Roller Coaster-ish’ weekend.

The problem is, what made this weekend so scary, was that I had a extremely strong urge to just have a few drinks by myself at Escape (* escape is a little Bar/Club near where I work).
Believe me when I say strong I mean strong, If didn’t have anything else to do I would have reached. One friend has already told me that this is the first step to being an alcoholic. :S

It is weird I am not sure what is happening to me in that regard, I have moved from a person who would not touch liquor 6 yrs ago to some one who drinks regularly when going out, and added to that is now at a point where I enjoy spending time by myself with a drink.

Mind you I have only done that escape thing once, but I left there feeling so much better, that every time I am in one of those moods I just want to go.

I think the liquor combined with the ability to be alone with my thoughts is what I like the most. I am out in the open, fresh air a good drink, and only strangers around me, who respect my desire to be alone.

And you know the sad part; just typing about it makes me want to go there tonight.

What is happening to me?

I do have a deep rooted fair of becoming an alcoholic, I know I have a personality that has a propensity for Addictions, but at the same time, I am comfortable where I am, it and I know that currently my drinking level is not a threat to myself or anyone, but can I say the same thing Six Months or a year from now? :S

I know that prevention is better than cure, but its hard. I hope that once I get my vac. And I get to relax a bit, these urges will go, but I have a nagging suspicion they wont.

Anyway, have a conference call coming up have to run.

See Ya

Friday, November 18, 2005

No Food For the Poor

Hmmm I don’t know what my opinion on state handouts are, but Shortly after trying to reduce the # of minorities in New Orleans the Bush Administration are trying a new tactic by reducing spending on Food Stamps.


Bush is beginning to behave like a little Dictator I knew who seemed to think that Killing Jews would solve all his problems. Seems like Kanye was right. Any way there are many sides to this issue, and this is just my initial response, maybe after thinking about it some more I ‘ll change my tune, until then.

Bushes theme Song is from, ironically, Biggi Small. The same Song I had mentioned in another blog.

**** the world Don’t ask me for ****

OK! OK! I admit the statements made above are a bit extreme and unfair the administration, But they makes ‘Bush Bashing’ so easy. Welfare systems are helpful, but there are Times I wonder about them :S, in any case that is for another blog.

Hand from the shadows?

I know it has been a while, but I have been a bit swamped with work and missing Deadlines.

Recently, in a discussion I was having with a friend ,I revealed that my enthusiasm for globalization has waned.

I at one point agreed that a single Global economy would make life better for every one.
But allas, what is the price we are willing to pay for this ‘possibility’ that we know will never be as good as it is on paper.
I have begun to ask myself; was I caught up in the glitter that surrounded this Great thing called Globalization? Is it really going to benefit the massive, Or are we headed to a future Written about By Asimove and other SciFi greats who talked about Big Co-orps running everything?

What really drove this home for me was the fact that workers in Australia were protesting the fact that the govt. wanted to strip some power from Workers Unions in an attempted to make their labor force more attractive to international investors.

Am I the only person who sees something wrong with this? :S

I am now scared. What direction are we headed in? I know economics are important measures and Benchmarks to use to View a society, but is it the right way?

To cater to Economics, and by extension Big Businesses, the state focuses its energies on profitability and returns. But is this what it should be? What ever happened to the welfare of the masses?

Australia is a strong Economy with a strong work force, but the Demand for ‘More’ is causing its leaders to take a course of action that will hurt its people. Worse yet, if a first world nation is doing this, what are ‘Developing’ nations to do?

Are they to just strip all rights from their workers just so as to attract inverters? How does that help the poor?

Answer? It doesn’t.

I now see globalization as a way to widen the gap between the rich and the poor. I had hoped that it would inspire the Growth of a middle class but it seems the Triangle is hard to escape. Now the world is now on a path to hand over its soul to ‘the hand from the shadows’ and as we draw nearer we begin to smell a stink.

Now I wait to see, will we awake in time to avert disaster, or will the future be a bleak future of pointless existence for the poor?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

JPS and Me. (Blowin some steam)

In my final year at UWI, as many of you already know, I had 2 Jobs. My Job at DOMS had me looking forward to every day. My job with MSB however, often left me feel inadequate and a bit stupid. I kept expecting to have my boss call me over and say, “We are gonna have to let you go”. That was never the case. Yay

Of late JPS has been having me feel that way, Not Quite Stupid though. Now I just Feel Inadequate and unequal to the task.

The thing is, all the stuff I have to do I KNOW I can Do it, I probably take longer than your typical 'Super-Genius' Employee in our Division but I know I can, that’s good.
The bad part is ITS JUST TOO MUCH!

I can say Of the 4 major projects we have set out to do this year I have only completed 1.


And I know if I was given time to work on then individually, to properly plan how I would develop these Applications, then All would be well, But none of that is happening.

What has me most annoyed, Frustrated and AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
There is nobody in this Company, especially my division, I can Talk to about it. Everybody in IS has an overflowing plate. But do they fall behind Deadlines. Often Times only completing a job a week or 2 after its Due.
In fact everybody gets home by 10 and 11 (the latest!), and work for a few hours on Sat. Not Me… I typically have to work till 12 and the whole day Sunday into at least 10pm before I can Begin to see progress. Only recently Did i decide to start taking Saturdays off.

Believe ME It is starting to get to me
I feel like I need to go back and Do over My CompSci Degree, because I am sure they taught me all this and I just don’t remember it.
Its so bad that I have decided to find some course somewhere on Software development, Cause I am sure I‘m doing something wrong.

Added that though, the part that really bugs me, is how to juggle all this work and actually get the Job Done. Everybody here does with such ease and Calm it just AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!! Why cant I do it.

Slowly I getting that feeling again where I half expect to open my email again and see a termination letter.

Any way I gone back to work


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Lessons Taught for 2005 (not necessarily learned)

1. Seek balance
2. Passion Rules reason
3. When In Doubt Don’t
4. Parents Get Old
5. Your Friends wont always say no for you
6. You cant say No all the Time
7. Seek Balance
8. Silence is provides the Greatest opportunity to learn
9. Beware of unwittingly burning bridges
10. Honesty is definitely NOT always the best policy
11. Know what you want
12. Know that you will not always get what you want
13. Know that you Should not get some of what you want
14. Seek Balance
16. The Path will not always be clear.
17. Have Faith
15. Seek God

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Land Of the Free to s***w everyone else

Once again The Complete Arrogance of this (***Insert Expletive here***) man has me Completely Riled.
I have voiced My opinions about this man and his Team before and you’d think I would have learned to calm down by now, but I just cant Keep Silent. The Bush administration is one straight from out of the Cold war days. An Anal Retentive set of Paranoid Terrorists.

It is amazing How they are able to get me Spitting mad, The first thing that had me, Which by the way I am still Llivid about is the fact those (***Insert Expletive here***) people had the gall to ask the UN to exempt them from War Crime Tribunals.

Again I am forced to stop Typing, due to the fact that Children may read this post.

The next thing is the fact that the decided to invade Iraq Despite Cofi Annon’s reservations. And To add insult to injury, I am almost certain they are behind the Scandal surrounded the secretary general shortly after he public denounced the invasion.

But alas they were not done there. To ensure there was no doubt the world knew that the US has more respect for its own sh** oops I mean FEACAL MATTER than the UN, they appoint as their ambassador a man who’s track record Shows he has no tact and couldn’t care less about you if you are not American.

Stopping to calm down.. Again.

However, after realizing that I haven’t Popped a blood vessel yet. The have now Decided to prevent the UN inspectors from interviewing their Prisoners of war. After Forcing the UN to negotiate for 3 YEARS before they had a chance to take a look at the prison, and then to top it off, today the Washington Post reveals Top secret prisons for Terrorists.

FREEDOM MY (***Insert Expletive here***)

The author of this blog has ended transmission do his inability to stop swearing at this point in time

Monday, October 31, 2005

End of an Era?

Hard to believe, but ever since I started taking an interest in World affairs the Name Allan Greenspan was always one to pay attention to. A man who’s words could send Stock markets around the world Scrambling.
I do not pretend to follow the Financial sector that well, but He has steered Americas fiscal policy (in my opinion) well in his 31 years of service. And many appreciate his leadership, and his insight.

Farwell Greenspan, the world will not be the same without you.

PS. he aint dead, just Retiring.

Sunday, October 30, 2005


Pins Hurt if one has a inflated sense of self.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Watergate (Foreword)

OK after Years of wanting to find out about the Watergate scandal, I have finally done my research and for now all I can say is WOW!
Nixon is a real Bad Man. The sad part in all of this is, that had it been Jamaica He would have gotten away with it,..........oh wait he did get away with it.

I will blog at a later date to discuss the issues arising from this most infamous of scandals.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Universal Problem

The following is a short Excerpt from a conversation I had with a friend On MSN. She had her name as being “Unavailable” and I was asking her why. Her response had me rolling with laughter. I must say that I understand and I am sympathetic, but the way it was said just had me.

The Seeker Says:
Friend says:
the research article that I want/need
Friend says:
every time I find a good one, it's unavailable
Friend says:
Friend says:
remind me of MEN!!

Friday, October 21, 2005

Dance, Fete, Soca

I remember when I first came to UWI, and went to my first session. When I saw the people ‘dancing’ I was shocked and somewhat dismayed, this was not the kind of behavior I expected at a university. I remember remarking frequently that part my reason for not dancing with anyone was that I don’t believe in ‘Dry Humping’.

It amazed me that women would allow guys to be virtually grope them and, participate in this ‘virtual sex’ in public. Another problem I had with it was that I could not for the life of me get the idea in my head that what they did was just dancing, and that after the dance was done, it was over.

It is amazing how far I have come. I am very different from that decent, quiet (very quiet) fellow that walked down the Taylor Hall corridor in his Sunday best approx 6 years ago. And you know the most amazing part about it, Most of these changes have happened since I have moved back to Kingston to live.

It is an amazing sense of freedom that I don’t plan on giving up.

I remember that in 3rd year UWI, I would go to sessions, especially soca fetes, and would deliberately not dance with any one. Those days are done mind you, but I can say what has not changed is my pure love for soca.

There is a song that says “it is not me, blame it on the music”. Believe that song truly describes me, there is something about the energy and vibe that comes from Soca and Calypso, that has the ability to make everything all right. You just have to move. In fact until recently I use to hate dancing Soca with anyone cause It restricted me, (I’m past that now). My favorite memory of dancing to soca was at a fete where they were playing and extended Soca segment. Can I tell you, every bone in my body ached; I did buss a hundred times over, but could I stop dancing?… It’s hard to describe, U feel the pain, but you feeling no pain.

In any case, I have come to realize that My love for Soca and Calypso Does not extend to all that is associated with it. What a lot of people assume is that those who love Soca Just love to wine. And I keep telling these people its not about the wining, its about the music. In my case I am a Jump and wave guy. Even now, I may dance once in a while when I go to a soca fete, but 9 times out of ten you gonna see me with my rag in the air.

I have always wanted to participate inn Trinidad’s Juvert. However after watching Hype TV’s coverage and going back over some of the customs Surrounding Juvert I realize that my enthusiasm is not that great any more. I really want to do it,
An all night into morning soca fete sounds like the ultimate trip, but there are too many things that make me uncomfortable, most significantly is the link between that night of festivities and ‘Satan’/’the Devil’. The details of which I have not looked into too much, but despite my love for this music, I am still a Christian (maybe a bit too liberal), and there are some things I cannot ignore.

Of course I cannot mention Trini carnival not mention panorama. If I only get to go to Trinidad once in my life, I want to go to panorama, Trust me, Pan Is Pan Is Pan Nuff said.

Ok its getting late and I have to leave, This blog will have to be continued at a later date, so till next time, See ya :D

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

To Kill or not to Kill...... The price of crime

I have reason to believe that that the following text is riddled with grammatical errors. As such, I must tell you I will do everything in my power to ignore them and so should you :). Have a nice day.

On my way to work this morning, there was an interesting discussion about whether or not the death penalty should be re-instated.
Now My view has always been that, it is an excellent deterrent as well as the fact that it is an effective way of dealing with Societies most extreme Deviants,. It makes no sense to try to ‘Rehab’ a stone cold killer, and I really don’t think My hard earned money should feed such an individual.
In any case the Question is asked, will Re-instating the Death penalty help with the Crime rate. My answer is no

The last time I looked at the statistics, the majority of Murders in Jamaica come from domestic Disputes, cases where people are just too hot headed. These murders don’t normally fall under Capital Punishment any way (correct me if I am Wrong).
Even if we were to kill those guilty of participating in Gang warfare or Executions, we would still need to catch them, My Question is If we cant catch them now
What makes us think that re-instating the death penalty will make things any different?

Having said this I have been re-thinking my views on the entire concept of the death penalty. I am now not sure If I can support it. The concept of Killing someone has such finality to it, that if we really stop to think about it, it is a bit scary.
U might argue that these killers don’t stop to think about what they do, so why should we? But if we don’t how are we any different from a big man hiring an assassin to kill someone we don’t like? Remember we cannot let our emotions dictate too much of our decisions, the law has to be as Objective as possible.

I believe that once you have taken a life you have forfeited your right to yours, yet, what ever happened to second chances? Are we to pay for the rest of our lives for one mistake made, then again, the victims do, so………… tuff.

This entire line of reasoning came up as a result of the question of whether or not Jah Cure should be released. Now My views on rapist are such that this is not a forgivable crime, and I honestly think the should be castrated, and I am not joking. Clearly u have shown an inability to have self control, As a result, for the sake of society, the state has a responsibility to remove the threat in a manner that allows you to continue to contribute in a safe manner. Of course the psychological repercussions of this can be severe, but then such is life.

In any case, Before I knew Jah Cure was a rapist, I was enjoying his music and rooting for his release from prison, but now I don’t know. I still like his music and part of me would want to see him out, but this man has shown that at least one point in his life he was not fit to walk the streets in a civilized world. Now he would have us believe that he is a ‘better man’, but the Question I ask Myself is, can we afford to risk it, is he really a better man, do we give him a second chance?
To answer my own Question, I ask Myself, Does the Victim have a second chance? The chance to stay home that night? Having asked this I must ask what does this mean. Is it that all criminals should forever ostracized, if so, how do we expect them to contribute to society?

Footnote: Jesus believes in second chances.

Sunday, October 09, 2005


Hush PIB but no spell check used here.

So here it is another birthday, and to be honest with you I would not remember it if People did not constantly remind me.

I think my total apathy for my birthday started bak in highschool, when I realized that it was only a special day cause every one felt that way, to me My family were only showing what I always knew, that they loved me. I never went out much so the only freinds I had were the ones at school, but at an all boys school, ur Birthday is closly gaurded secret, that is, if you plan to go home in clean clothes. So I went through 7 yrs of Cornwall colledge where the only people to tell me happy birthday was my familly, and about 2 or 3 other freinds who never did much about it. By the time I got to UWI my birthday was just another day.

My family, I think, realized this about me and respected it, they still do, for the last couple of years they have toned down there celebrations, to the point where I just a happy birthday during the course of the day. That I can live with.

So now I am at a point where I dont really celebrate my birthday, but alot of my freinds feel otherwise. Last year was a fight to get some of my freinds to not get me gifts and to not make celebration of it. Believe me, I was really annoyed with alot of people during that time. One of my freinds told me at that time that I was being unfair and selfish, to this day I dont fully see why tellin people not to buy me gifts and to not take me out for my birthday is being selfish. And even if it is, its MY birthday. In any case, so this year, I have said nothing much, I think people have got the gist from last year so with the exception of one freind so far, I have been left alone for the most part, for that I am greatfull :).

There is also something I have noticed about my self around this time however, I did not realize it till last night. I enjoy being by myself during this time, I become more withdrawn a bit colder and very silent. Its not that I am Depressed or reflective, its just that I just have a need for my own company. And contrary to popular belief, I am fine.

I realize now taht this apathy extends to many things, it was part of my dissintrest in my graduation, It is also why I am not taht into christmas and other major holidays and events. I participate in these things, because my freinds find them important, and I have come to learn to respect that, but not on my birthday, thats my day to be as apathetic as i want :).

My apathy has always been bother for me. I used to think something was wrong with me when I didnt feel as worked up about things that everyone got worked up abaout, but then I have learned to live with that.
I am not totally apathetic, however, there are things I am passionate about, (pan being one of then :D). but some of the things that are 'standard' are totally lost on me :S.

Any way have to run. TTYL

Monday, October 03, 2005

Panoridim on love and Marraige

The views expressed are just quotes taken from a very small set of people from the band and does not necessarily reflect the views of the majority.

oh and ignore the spellin :P

Qoute 1: "My Marital Status is Monk"
Qoute 2: "Singl 4 life, and Lovin it"
Qoute 3: "Love is the Death of 2 single people"
Qoute 4: "Marraige is the triumph of Imagination over Intelligence"
Qoute 5: "Love is a nuerochemical con-Job"

Please feel free to add your fav. quote to the list :D

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Is Mirant To blame?

Ok guys I know I am going to catch alot of flack for this, but We have just had Meeting with the Cheif of Mirant Operations and New Chairman Of our board (ie JPS). After this meeting a number of things have become clearer, for me at least.

First of, Life can be a b*tch and as such we just have to learn how to role with the punches.

Bottom Line
Now I must remind everyone that Mirant is first and Formost, a profit making organization, and this is perfectly acceptable, as most organizations are profit making. As a result of this however, they will set up business processes that ensure that they do so, again I must say this is not a sin.

Now while JPS's business processes are not first class, as yet, there is still a need to make money. This being the case one might ask, why would the Govt sell out a public service Company to an Organization whos #1 priority is not the wellfare of the population, but rather to make a profit. Dont get me wrong JPS wants and needs a happy customer base, and is concerned, in there own way, about the welfare of costumers, remember the majority of the workers at JPS are customers as well, but the bottom line for Mirant is not re-election, but rather to please share holders.

Why Sell
That being sad, pryor to the 2001 sale of the Company, the island was suffering from rolling blakouts as the Generating capacity, as well as other factors, could not cope with the growth in the demand. the Govt then realized that in a few years the demand would outstrip supply. Off course the quickest solution was of course build a new Power plant. prob was power plants cost money. Now I am sure the Govt could have gotten a loan from the World bank, but for what ever reason the Govt decided to get sell.
Now looking at it, it made sense, I can say catagorically that the Jamaican Govt, is INCAPABLE of running any organization or project ifficiently. I will almost go as far as to say it is Flat out IMPOSSIBLE.

Why Sell
Not only was the Govt running JPS poorly, (through no reel fault of there own, I'll explain why in another blog) but, the govt at the time did not want to spend that kind of money (> 100Mil) on an expansion project, knowing full well that curruption would kill most of the budget. Privetization offered the perfect way out.
To be honest the difference in operations that I have been told about have been Significant, when I here of stories of the old days, I find it amazing the amount of foolishnes and the amount of money wasted by this Company, and the sad part is as much as we are more effiecient now, we have yet to reach first class organization status. I have to ask, what was the Govt Doin with the Company :S. It is really sad.

High Oil Prices
Off course as the PR camapin of late has been saying, the major cause for increases are of course the Oil Prices, JPS dont really benifit from this at all. U see, the economics of it is that, as light rates go up due to oil prices, people conserve more and that means less revenue and smaller profits.

Ivan Recovery
Now one of the biggest areas of contention is of course the z factor and the X factor ( if i have the names correctly). Now like it has been said before Transmition and Distribution Lines cannot be insured by third parties, as a result every power company has to Insure in themselves, this insurabnce cost, is usually passed on to the consumer (thats the international practice) on of the main Q's of course is why wasnt this fund there before. the Answer: because the Govt is clueless when it comes to running any Organization Ifficiently and correctly. Of course after Ivan the company, needing to make a profit asks to pass the cost to consumers, again I say, Mirant is a Profit making organization and as such it is well wsith there rights to do so, besides this is a standard intn'l practice and Mirant is after all an Intern'l organization.

As a result
I think we are goin through a transitional phase, while the Govt had the company things were fine, because the Govt was not concerned about profits primerly, however Mirant is and as such changes will be made. It will be difficult and it will advbersley affect our lives, but Mirant is doing nothing it did not say it would do, the reall blame must go to the Govt. who decided to sell the Company. At the same time whaty would have been the alternative :S.

Monday, September 26, 2005


Finally here is a long over due post.
I have gotten Tiered of writing spelling Disclaimers, yet not tierd enought to use spell check, hush, u'll get over it.

Now that the results are out and the Pan exec has been selected I feel at liberty to blog about my views on leadersip and me.
For quite some time I had decided that I would not run for captaincy of panoridim nor would I look for any extra position here at Work simply because I didnt think I was ready, I felt, and to an extent still do, I did not have the 'vision' a leader is required to have.
This is strange coming from a guy who wants to go into Management, preferabley project management.
In any case I couple weeks ago I had a talk with My father that made me change my approach.
I realized that I have been waiting for all these qualities I think a leader needs to just come to me. I now see, However, that is the wrong approach.
There are those who are born leaders, who inately have all that is required
and then there are those who must aquire what is needed. I am the latter.
What I have been missing however is the fact that allot of what one needs to 'aquire' can only be got through experience.

My time here at JPS has helped me to grow and develope the work ethic I have now.
One of the most important things my fist boss taught me was that people dont care about why not, they care about results. For this lesson I have to also thank DOMS and MSB.
The result of this lesson was that, If you are given a task to do and you dont know where to start, stop wining and find out how to do. (Quote From Sword Of Truth: Think about the solution and not the problem.). And that has basicall the way in which I opperate. What I had missed is that this approach should be applied to other areas of my life.

The funny thing in all this I realize that my father has been telling me this for years, and I never got it until now, all the stories he use to tell me about his work, where he often had resposibilities or got tasks he had no clue about. What Made him the "Go to" man for so many people was that his philosophy was that if he cant do it, get someone who can.

Chip off the Block:
This leads the other part of this blog.

I realize that I am very similar to my father, and I realize that like him, its not the actual Job that I do I love, but the feeling I get from accomplising something, to set out to get something done and seeing it through to completion.
Last week I spoke to him again and he was telling me about a function he went to and there was a problem with the procedings. I listened as he described with relesh how he just went up and Took matters into his own hands and made sure things started moving smoothley again. What was so amaziung about the conv. was that I was Riveted, I was caught myself making Mental Notes of what he did and discarding some of his approaches ands thinking where Mine would have been better. By the Time he hung up
I realized I was not really much Diff from him, I am not as Outspoken (I think) nor do have that "Take Charge Presence" that I he has, but I do enjoy, like he does being apart of something and helping, no matter where from, to get it done.
He is now apart of many Commitees and He does very little preaching, yet he is well know across Montego bay and Trelawny, If there is a function or Event, or evern a major church project (especially if it involves the Youths) My father is usually somehow involved, and if not, was not for a lack of people trying to get him.
Now My Q is how did he juggle having a Family and feed the love for his work, I have to have that talk with him. I still think it was a miracle.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

WMR & Justified

Break ups are Hard

Signed: Seeking to strengthen conviction

Inspired By B's Blog

OK Guys I got the Sites from B's Blog and got carried away with doing them, I find it to be somewhat accurate, ya'll should Give it a shot, pretty intresting.

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...

But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.

You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.

You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

Your Brain's Pattern

You're a simple thinker, and this is actually a very good thing.

You don't complicate matters when you don't have to.

You look for the simplest explanation or solution, and you go with that.

As a result, your mind is uncluttered and free of stress.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.

You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.

You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Wedding Playlist

Ok Guys This is the beginnings of what I consider to be a perfect playlist for a wedding.

I'd love to get your feedbak and suggestions.

Tribute To the Groom :- Carnival Is Over
Tribute To Bride :- Baby
Bridal Procession :- War March Of the Priest

To Be completed........

Thursday, September 08, 2005


Am i conceited for thinking that I am the center of my universe?
Am I conceited for thinking that everything some how is related to me?
Am I conceited for enjoying hearing people talk about me?
Am I conceited for thinking that I am important, Desired and loved?
Am I conceited?

Sometimes I think I am.
Sometimes I think I am too self obsorbed.
Sometimes I think I am too concerned with my own well being.
Sometimes I think I think too much about how what i do will benifit me.
Sometimes I think I am putting myself on too high a pedasil.
Sometimes I think I do things for others to appease my concience.
Sometimes I think I am too in love with me.

Yet i am happy.

Signed: Seeking Balance

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


Today I was reminded that

"Some Things Change, and Some things never do."

NBA trade Update

Ok let me get this straight
I have a coach and a team that has led me to 2 consecutive championships and I am gonna get rid of the coach ?
What the..........!

It seems that The Pistons have Releaved Coach Larry Brown of his Duties and are currently searching for a new Coach.

For those of you who do not follow NBA this means that next year the Miami Heats will Win the NBA, barring of course there are no serious Injuries. In any case just remember you heard me say it first.

The good news is that he is moving to New York. I use to be a Die hard Nicks fan, but against all odds they have managed to kill my enthusiasm for the team.
Hopefully Larry will be able to wip the team into shape. Mind you I expect Mauberry to pose a problem, as Larry Brown works best with a "Team", not a "superstar and his Support Cast". In any case, once again I think I can proudly Declare that I am a Nicks fan, so for this coming season, even though my head tells me that the Heats will win, I will be cheering and routing for my original favourite team.


A Jedi Update

Once again Ripples are being felt in the IT Force as the Jedi Master Known to us as "Steve Jobs" once again plans to make an announcement. Speculations have run rampant throughout the Galaxy as all await what one of this Era's greatest warriors have to say.
I too wait patiently.

The Force Be with You.

Monday, August 29, 2005


It sometimes smarts when people treat you the same way you treat them.

Is He........?

A very intresting Question from a troubled young man, how do you answer?

Am I

The only one who recognizes the dangers involved, The cons that associate itself with such a venture. Yes I am Human and have desires and yes I yield to some of them, but Am I the only one who sees beyond that point to see where things could go.


Is It I am too self absorbed, too obsessed with my own gratification, Is it that I fear committing my self to such an institution. Is this selfish of me?


I have been told when in doubt, don't and in this case the repercussions can tear the Soul.


To live by this creed one must abstain and refrain.


It is so hard.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Babling again

I have forgotten What it was I wanted to write about. Much has happened since last I wrote, most notice-able, of course, was the concert. However I dont think I am gonna spoil the memories by trying to describe the show, lets just say it was HYPE!!!!

I must mention a serious problem I see coming upon us. Pan needs a musical director, there is no 2 ways about it. Our music will suffer if we dont have one, especially if we are goin to take on new members. There is much more I could say on the matter but thats gonna step on toes I dont mean to to step on, suffice it to say, Panoridim will "fall off" if we do not not have musical leadership, but what to do?

A more soberiung issue is the fact that many people will be taking a 'backseat' in panoridim, Now I have blogged about this before so you all no how much this really saddens me. It is hard for me to see anybody in pan leave, but I Understand, but it still hurts. Some day I too will 'take a backseat' but until then..................

Oh! BIG UP to Mario, I know we did Big ups to Rory who mashed up the place after some shakey points during preps,Big ups to Leo as well, Dis yout is talented, no matter wat u want to say. Of course MUNDO Big ups to Damion and Anthony cause we done know that they are the reeeealll shizzle, True Veterans.
Mario came into the band and a point when we desperately needed a drummer and we chucked him off on the deep end and told him to swim with the sharks. And boy did he swim. This fellow has done huge amount of work for pan with a smile on his faced as we pressured him constantly everynight, not even to mention the cussinss from Q :D. Trust me I am impressed and greatful, Bless, My yout. Mr. 'Summer Body For The Ladies' :D

I realize that I have no Idea what people think of me honestly. THe other day I found out that one of my closest freinds thinks of me as a hipocrite, that I pretend to be what I am not. I was at first hurt by this, but then saddened, because such is not the case. I am who you see, there are other aspects of my personality I might choose not to show you. But everything u see is trully apart of who i am. But then we all know that everyone is more than meets the eye, dont we?
In any case I am now on a drive to find out what people think are the negatives to my character. I think I am stubborn enough not to let it phaze me, but It would help to see what aspects of myself that I dont recognize that 'Urk peopple'. I will say now, however, that those of you who think I spend way too much time "chatting other peoples business" I will disregard because I dont. If you look bak at each time I have been accused of scandalizing anyone, u will see I have only asked Questions, I dont chat peoples business, people chat their own business, and added to that if you tell me something in confidence then rest assured it will not be repeated. And again i say, I did not deserve the Sus master award for with the Likes Of BB, Kelly, THinkBass and not to mention B, there is NO way I compare even to remotely to them.

Ok, My time is up see Till next time Remember: BALANCE

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Israel's Deal

I just read an article on how the Americans reached an agreement with Israel to stop them from selling weapons to China.
Now if my memory of world affairs is correct then I am sure that allmost all of Israels Weapons are provided or funded by the US.
Now I find this quite hillarious.
Look at it this way, I sell you weapons to defend yourself and fund your army and you sell bak these weapons to my biggest millitary threat. TUFFF!! :D
Trust me, my ratings for the Jews went up a couple of notches, the tuffest part is how they settled the deal. Had it been any third world country, America would have threatened to cut aid to that country,and that would be the end of that. But Noooo not the Jews, in fact not only did america not threaten to cut aid, but they agreed to pay for Isreals Withdrawal from the Gaza strip.
Now thats how stuff are suppose to get done.

Of course we know that such levels of ahms house is not unique to the Jews.
In fact one of the greatest example came from America when the sold Weapons to both Sides of the Iraq - Iran War (shakes head).
Another of my favorite examples of course is from or little mad Korean Dictator who declared that he was making Nuclear weapons an would not stop until America gave him Aid, Now that is Tuff, its always nice to see when the US get B*tch slapped and they have to suck it up :D
In any case that same story goes on even further, the Korean guy only admitted to creating Plutonium, however America is insisting that He still is Developing weapons grade Uraniun, Needless to say he claims to have no idea about what they are talking about and refuses to let the US in to inspect anything, :D (SLAP!!)
Of course you might ask yourself why doesnt america invade then, well other than the fact that the mad guy has a large army, America never really forgot the "Forgotten War", when they tried to invade Korea before and had their Asses handed to them Diced up in to Bite size peices on a silver platter. Trust me it wasnt pretty.

In any case,. all these stories of international intregue just goes to show that life isnt fair, and while the world Super poweres play "Who has bigger Balls", we, the common folk, are the onoes that really suffer.

Question of the day: Should The US leave Iraq Now, and do you think the Terrorists their are fighting for the right reasons?

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Wizards Rules

As most people know, my online name the Seeker comes fron a series of books written by Terry Goodkind, called the Sword of Truth series. Now in each book there is a Wizard rule that the Hero, Richard Cypher who is the "Seeker of truth", Learns, usualy the hard way.
The rules he has learned thus far are:-

Wizards 1st rule: People are stupid. They will believe anything they want to be true or fear to be true.

Wizards second Rule: The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.

Wizards 3rd Rule: Passion rules reason.

Wizards 4th Rule: There is magic in forgiveness -the magic to heal! In the forgiveness you grant, and more so in the forgiveness you receive.

Wizards 5th Rule: Mind what people do, not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.

Wizards 6th Rule: The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason.

Wizards 7th Rule: Life is the future, not the past

Wizards 8th Rule: Deserve victory.

Wizards 9th Rule: Contradictions don't exist, in whole or in part.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Idling again

Warning, in addition to bad Grammer and Horrible spelling, this blog was trully just me venting, as such, it is incoherent and it mianders all over the place, It will be removed soon so dont worry.

Its concert time at pan and Project Time at work, both of which require alot of effort. I have become increassingly private and alot less jovial around people I know. But dispite all this I cant complain.

Things at work are piling up on us, yet My boss is extremely understanding
and days that I have to leave he allows me to. Pan is gettting to crunch time, my playing has improved drastically, all i have to work opn now is maintaining my concentration and some other "niggling" runs that still bother me.
In both cases, if I had the time to devote to Iether exclusively then all would be well, but such is not the case.
As such I do what I can, put in extra effort where I can.

Last night, however, there was a meeting about the progress we were making for the concert, and at the end of it I felt extremely guilty. How many Sundays have passed when I could go to the panyard and I have just stayed at home and chilled :S.
I have not practiced what I preach.

The thing is, I believe, a concert is a concert is a concert, IE whatever it takes to get it done, should be done, and I have not done so. They have spoken about the attitude of the band, but I find myself being the culprit in my own section, where all others have made and continue to make that extra effort to get their songs up to standard.

Last night after practice I was speaking to BB, and I was shocked(ish), by his sacrifice, and I it re-confirmed that I cant complain about my situation, and the intresting part is that no matter where I go, wether I stay extra late at work, or run practice till 2am, I will have fun. I have been fortunate to have only have 2 major resposibilities on my plate.

- I have no church that I am a member of, or have any responsibility to (dont plan to change that, but that is for another blog)
- And I dont have anybody at my yard to cuss about me staying late and spending too much time at Pan or work (see going Monk serves a purpose ;))

Ah well, the by product of this of course is a problem I have allways had, especially since final year. I have no one I feel totaly comfortable with voicing any (trivial as they may seem in comprarison) of my complaints with (well there are a few people).
I mean, I am greateful for all that I havre been given, I have been tremendously blessed, and as stressfull as this situation is, I get every morning feeling alive and ready and eager to get to work or pan, whichever comes first. But say on a day I dont feel that chirpy, I am sometimes hard pressed to find someone O dont feel guilty complaining to :S.
I find myself goin bak to how I was before, talk less, listen more, and If i dont feel like listening, I'll just avoid you. the problem with that, is that it can be interpreted the wrong way.

Fortunately for me, there is always prayer. Last night was a perfect example. While the small side was practicing, I was not feeling very jovial, I was thinking about problems at work, and I looked around, and every body had a bigger problem than I had, so I decided to take a walk,and for some reason I felt like praying, so I did. There is a song I lov "it amazing what praises can do", and believe me its true (y).
By the time I was through, I was bak to feeling greate(ish), and went bak inside.


U know God is good, here it is I am typing about someone to talk to and I end up writing an example where I spoke to him and I felt better LOL.
God has a sense of humer, Good one G.

Ok I have to go, got work to do, so Ill talk some more later.
Prayer works.

Question of the day:
It is said 'To whom much is given much is expected', but how does one give bak?

Thursday, August 11, 2005


I just visited an intresting Blog and read a post that has left me greately saddened. Reminded me life isnt fair sometimes and bad things happen, but then, u look at it and you have to admire the strength of the human spirit.

No further comments forthcomming.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

u know its bad when....

When it gets to the point where Concert Practice is stress releaf for work, it deffinately time to take a vacation.

You begin to understand why people smoke, and begin to feel the need for one yourself.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Why Monk?

It is easier to evade than tackle, yet what lies on this path I do not know.
Blind choices are always dangerous.


I think Q has been asked before, but I cant remember what was said.

Do you believe that males and females can have a trully platonic Relationship, where there is never any Sexual tension between the 2.

My answer is yes and no,Purly Platonic relationships are possible, but at some point the sexual/Romantic element must cross the mind of one or both parties, think about it, u are only freinds with people you like. the Question is what happens at the moment the thought crosses your mind.

Monday, July 25, 2005

An Inexperienced Driver's Observation

Spelling and Grammatic Discaimer:-
For those of you reading My blog for the first time, you will soon realize that My Blog is overrun wwith spelling and Grammatical errors. Now, I can tell you this is due the fact that I don't type anywhere as near as fast as i think, due to the fact I 'search and peck' (dont ask, yes I am a programmer, I get by, so what), or it may be just a case where i am too lazy to be more diligent abbout what I right. In iether case I dont have time, no wait........, I dont feel like using spell check and as such u may continue reading at your own risk.

On my way bak to work today I dicided to touch the very politicaly incorrect topic of Male vs Female Drivers. However I must be careful here as the majority of my feinds are female and are better drivers than I will prob ever be (what do u think BB & LibraMan, think thats enough for me not to get killed?).
On my way here, @ the inersection near Souveriegn where the Traffic Lights aren't working, there was a driver who clearly could safely go, but was hesitating for no good reason, and I caught myself thinking; "I bet its a femal Driver", and lo and Behold I was right.
Now dont get me wrong, I have learned that all drivers are "stupid", "retarded" or whatever choice word you use to describe the person who 'bad-drove' you today. It is just of matter of when ur brain is gonna dicide to go haywire and u make some "stupid" move that will justify whoever was behind in thinking all of the above.
What I have noticed is that a few women (very few and no one I know except one person who I will not name for my own safety) just have a very timid way of driving and that leads to trouble. Men Suffer, sorry correction, TAXI DRIVERS..... and a few other men, suffer from too much testostorone on the road and as suchh drive way too aggressively.

A perfect example are 2 incident at a stop light that wasnt working; I'll leave you to guess the gender for each driver;

Case 1. There was a driver(a) that unable to make up their mind Inching out slowly and stopping, holding every one bak while the uncoming driver(b) has to now stop cause the person couldnt make up there mind I wether or not the the uncoming car(b) had NOS in the tank was gonna accelerate and distroy their(a) car.
Case 2. At the Same Stop light, there is clearly a car coming at a rather fast speed, but its gonna take them about 6 seconds or less to reach the intersection, So of course the driver waiting decides to take the chance and shoots out, barely making it as the other speeding car had to swerve to avoid a collision.

This is Steriotypically the Difference between male and female divers, Mind you there are exceptions to every rule and I can say that the women I drive with Would never do iether of the 2 :D.

But seriously though, I find it annoying when I hear Men complain about female drivers and make extreme comments such as they should not be allowed to drive. I honestly think if you live without sin you should cast the first stone, cause if they were so bad to begin with, wouldn't women be more likely to be in Major accidents than men?
Remember we are all human as such all prone to irrationally retarted and Stupid Behaviour.

Another issue I have nagging suspicion that at our Driving Depos Women are tested harder than men are. While preparing for my exams all the women I knew kept on telling me that I prob gonna fale on my first try, on the other hand, the guys I spoke to made sure that it was as good as mine, cause Minor mistakes would be overlooked. On the test I made one huge mistake after the other, but having testosterone, I played it of as "macho" as I could and what do you know, I had my liscence, naturally my instructor (who was female btw) wasn't too pleased cause she said I should have faled.
The point is If you listen to diff. stories of the exam Depo u realize that Women are more likely to fale on the first try, at least with people I have spoken to. I refuse to believe that its because men are naturally better drivers, but then again there arer other factors at play here, Females do get treated diff. when growing up than men, hmmmmmmm.

Now I know that I have pissed of a couple people so i'll stop here
For the record, the one person who did not name is not somebody in Kingston. or MoBay.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Another E-mail

Another Email I had to share, very profound.

The Poodle
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her
faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company. One day the
poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that
she's lost. Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her
direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some
bones on the ground close by, she immediately settles down to chew on the
bones with her back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to
leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard!
I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of
terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!, says the
leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection
from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after
the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The
monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal
for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey
hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and
thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits
down with her back to her attackers, pretending she hasn't seen them yet,
and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's
that wretched monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
Moral of this story...

Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and
skill and brilliance only come with age and experience!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

My Favorite Soap opera (cnt'd)

This blog is a continuation from a blog I wrote on Two TV Shows That I love dearly.

After watching some re-runs of star Treck last night, I have finally decided to declare it officially My favourite TV show of all times, and that is a major feat.
For those of you questioning the name of this blog, in a previous blog on this show, I mentioned that a freind of mind from high school hated it because to him it was just a soap opera of ethics, I cannot blame him really, I suspect he finds "Sienfeld" riveting.
But enough of that, this blog seeks to speak of the Borg. Like I said, the Star Trek universe is an imperfect perfection, a very realistic look at what an ideal society would look like and how it would work. Now, all episodes dealling with the Borg, to me, are the amongst the best ever produced by the Star Trek writers, they allowed us to see a part Picard that is not allways visible. They showed us his weakness and his faults; we stood with him as he tried to overcome these, to fight the demons within and without, and we fealt his pain as he camne close to looseing all that was dear to him. In the end, though, he triumphed, and the Federation lived on, but not before the Irony that was the Borg was fully explored.
What is this Irony u ask, well, let me begin by reminding you that the Star Trek world, or rather, The federation represents a form of perfectly united society, one in which every one is soppose to be happy, where there is no war, no strife, no crime, no poverty, no essential need unsatisfied. But like i said this perfectction is imperfect, simply because there were always a differences in opinions, there is always a someone or a situation that led to conflict. What the Borg showed us, is that this was simply due the blessing/curse of induviduallity. Here I smile. What the writers were trying to tell us, is that for any society to become Utopic, each individual has to sacrifice his, hers, or it's induviduality for the sake of the greater good. The Borg Illustrated this best as the hive represented a 'Collective Conciousness' where the each induvidual's thoughts contibuted to the the entity that was Borg, the price was, of course, that you had no control of that conciousness, u were but a drop of water in a sea, u contributed but you could not go against the tide.
Now there are those who would have willingly accepted this form of Utopic existance, but the borg aggressivly imposed its beliefs on others, simply because that is the nature of beliefs. If you look at it, u begin to realize that the borg are not that much diff from the Federation in turms of goals, its their methods that differed.
The federation explored and sought out new worlds, in a hope to make them freinds and have them become apart of the federation, what is left unsaid is the fact that to be apart of the federation u have to follow the rules and guidlines that Govern that group, likwise the Borg. What is obvious, is the fact that the federation and the borg were bound to meet and fight. why? because they believed in the same things but took different paths and as a reslt they end up coming from opposing ends towards the same goal.
And That my freinds is the Irony that is the Borg. I could go on and on but, I have run out of time and u prob tiered of reading this now, so till next time....."Live Long & Prosper".

Monday, July 04, 2005

Letting Go?

This an unfinished poem from a very troubled freind of mine. Tell me what you think,
Not sure I agree with the last part though.
And Dont worry, they dont mind me putting it up, they just wanted feedback.

To release something that you never realized you held on to
Removes a burden you never knew you carried
And now, that you are able to walk straighter,
u ask, is life that much greater?
For no matter how much you try to fool yourself
And deny how it feels
There is always something there, nagging
That never seems to heal
So on we try to move with our lives
And from the truth we sometimes try to hide
But soon u learn what they say is not quite true
That Time heals all, that’s just poo
For what it really is,
Is the ability for you to face,
the hurt of the memory and still go through the day.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Seeing The Big Picture (incomplete)

After extensive scientific research and much deliberation, it has been established that this blog rarely, if ever, uses Spell Check

In my time at JPS I have come to think of my boss as a big thinker/visionary of sorts. His ability to conceptualize various ways and means for software to improve the efficiencey of all the processes we have here, has me beginning to see the limitations of my own vision. As with anywhere you go the Leader is required to provide Vision for the others to follow, a big picture that all as a group can work towards. I realise I have yet to acquire that vision, I still think on a 'micro' level, yet I do want to go into project management. Clearly this means I must now open myself and change the way i think. Not an easy task.
Currently my mode of thinking is still "Just tell me what to do", in the past few yrs (especially since my time here) I have learned to think a bit bigger, u no longer have to be given exact instructions, tell me what you want done and I'll figure out how to do it. I have always been like that, and I have enjoyed operating like this, but I have also relized that along this path lies Stagnation, I really like management, and to move up, Me thinking has to expand with it, I dont want @ age 40 I end up at the same place I started at. Actually early last year my boss introduced me to someone who fell into that trap, 10yrs at JPS and he has not moved anywhere, his position was one of those that was good enough to be comfortable yet it had the potentional to allow him to move up the ranks, but alas he wasted it. I think My boss was warning me.
............ To be Continued Completed later

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


Spell check not used here! Read on at you own risk.

Ok guys this is another current affairs blog, but this time it touches closer to home. Le-Anne Some time spoke about the CCJ, I have yet to give my views on that topic, but fear not they are coming. Now in a discussion I had with a very good freind of mine last night. I made the point that although I am for the CSME it is doomed to fail.
Yes I said it. Why? you ask, well kids, we have all been fed with the beautiful and somewhat accurate BS about the benifits of a united Carribean against the world economies. Now if this was strickly a matter of economics then sure! it would be a risk, but more than likely it would pay off, however this is not the case as, alas! politics is also at work here, AKA Govts. who want to get re-elected. Now, for the CSME to work some tuff Decisions will have to be made that wiill make some countries have to suffer for the greater good, Of course the minute this happens, the Opposing parties in these Countries will immediatly use it as their slogan to win an election, the end result, a CSME that is unable to make any meaningfull changes. In other words until Govts in the Carribbean decide to give up major parts of their Souvereignty then the CSME will be like Caricom, a side show.
Will this ever happen, your guess is as good as mine. Jamaica had the chance before, with the federation but a selfishness prevented us from oing forward with it, what will happen this time around, I dont know, The is more pressure for us to do this, however and added to that it is now being piggy backed on the CCJ, so only time will tell.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Fathers Day (My fear)

My next post was to have been about what I have come to realize about Male-Female interactions since my recent trip to mobay, but Today I heard something on Zip that has made me realize a fear I have.

Today on ZIP all the ZipJocks spoke about their fathers, and most of them Iether did not know him, hated him, or they had lived in broken homes. At the end of the programm I was at first ashamed. Then I was saddened and a bit angered, and then I felt fear.
I Feard that if I had children it could happen that some day that , my Daughter or Son could go somewhere and talk about how I abandoned them, how they hate me or were indifferent to my existence.
Its hard to explain how much this trully affected me, I have pledged in my heart that I will never abandon any child of mine, that my wife shall lack nothing, but in the back of my mind I know that some of these men thought the same at my age, and then I realize that all I can do is pray that when whatever trial comes that may make me want to think along such lines,I will be strong.
I have learned not to judge people, there are 2 sides to every story, I am not giving excuses, but life has taught me never to say it will never happen, cause things look diff depending on whos shoe your in. That, I have learned the hard way. An option is to never get married, but the jury is still out on that, there are many pros and cons to that story, that we wont get into here.
In any case fathers are scarce today, and I find that the ones who are there do get underappreciated sometimes. I called my father this morning, but being "mucho" and all that, I never expressed totally in words how greatfull I am for his being there, I figure he understands what I mean.

Anyway got to run. Till next time.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Too tuff!!!!

Guys this has to be one of the tuffest emails I have ever got, tooo wicked

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am d not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Balance (yah yah yah another personal post)

Running Out Of Spellcheck Disclaimers to write

Of late, I realized that I have been treating some of my freinds not too well. Where as I may make the excuse that I am really stressed out at work, it does not hold water as I am sure that they find time for me when they are also stressed.
Now the Question is how much should one give of ones self, I am coming from a time when If anybody asked me to do anything I would do it on a drop of a dime, no matter how much it cost me, but of late i have realized that although freinds mean you well, you cant expect them to say no for you all the time, and as such I have begone to do what I feel like, allowing the chips to fall where they may, I mean I aint gone totally selfish, I will do stuff for people and I will call and say hi once in a while, but If I dont feel like it, and worse, if it interfears with Work or Pan, u aint getting nada out of me. The problem here is that, there are some freinds who have been with me through thick and thin from way bak that I have begone to isolate as a result of this new approach. Image hosted by
So now I am stuck with a delima, now that I am swinging from one extreme, where do I stop the pendulum before I totaly isolate myself from those around me.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Idle Info

I have been lamenting over my inability to have a ready supply of smilies to use on my blog, however I have found a solution, whether or not I am allowed to do this is another matter. I have got the links to some of the smilies that Yahoo uses, mind you they can change this at any time, but in until then I plan to smile away Image hosted by In any case here area a few:

The Path is:
The name of the images range from: 01.gif to nn.gif

So for eg. would be:

IMG src = ""

Here are some of the others:-

-> 01.gif
-> 02.gif
-> 03.gif
-> 04.gif
-> 05.gif
-> 06.gif
-> 07.gif
-> 08.gif
-> 09.gif
-> 10.gif
-> 11.gif
-> 12.gif
-> 13.gif
-> 14.gif
-> 15.gif
-> 16.gif
-> 17.gif
-> 18.gif
-> 19.gif
-> 20.gif
-> 21.gif
-> 22.gif
-> 23.gif
-> 24.gif
-> 25.gif
-> 26.gif
-> 27.gif
-> 28.gif
-> 29.gif
-> 30.gif

Monday, June 13, 2005

Changes in the Middle East

First things first, I have not been following the news as in depth as I use to so My opinion is not as informed as it should be, at the same time its still my opinion and its my blog Image hosted by

Now its an common understanding that the war in Iraq is all about Oil, The US and Britain have in effect, invaded Iraq and have taken it over stricly for its natural resource. Now as can be expected with any country, there is a resistance. A few patriots that dont want invaders to take over their country. What I find intresting, is that in France they were called 'La Resistance' and in Iraq the are Terrorist, hmmmmmm.
In any case, without explicitly saying so the american population was given the impression that after the Iraqi Election their tropps would begin coming home, I mean not every one, some would have to stay of course to train the Iraqis to protect themselves from themselves. However such is not the case, all of a sudden the Americans "have an obligation" to the Iraqi people to see them through this "Transitional period" in their countries history, and such they are goin have to stay for the "long hall". Intrestingly enough, in a few years, if The US succeed in creating enough of a strong hold in Iraq, the same President we call 'Dumb', will be hailed as a visionary. Simply because the US would now have a Middle eastern country in its pocket, and most importantly, they would have oil :D. Brilliant move Mr. President, and you get away with it cause we all think you are a Dumb Republican.

Such is life in international Politics.

I had to share

I got this in an e-mail and had to post it.

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she
presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb
and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that
these are first graders, 6-year-olds, cause the last one is classic!

1. Don't change horses........................until they stop running.
2. Strike while the ....................................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before .................. Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of .......................termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but
6. Don't bite the hand that ............................ looks dirty.
7. No news is..................................................impossible
8. A miss is as good as a .......................................Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new .............................math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ..............stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust
12.The pen is mightier than the..................................pigs.
13. An idle mind is ............................ the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's ................. pollution.
15 Happy is the bride who ........................... gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ................................... not much.
17. Two's company, three's .......................... the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .......... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as .................... Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ........... spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed .................... get new batteries.
23.You get out of something only what you .........see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind ................. get out of the way.
And the WINNER and last one!
25. Better late than.........................................pregnant

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Inevitabilty Mr. Macintosh?

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
If u have not figured it out,
I'm sure u soon will,
I dont use Spell Check,
trust me you'll live.

On to important matters.
Yesterday a 'Disturbance' was felt throughout the IT force as Steve Jobs (a one of the most powerful IT Jedi knights in all of the galaxy) anounce a shift to a new architecture, Yes Keiran, weep if u must, but Macs are moving to the X86 architecture. In other words you will soon see your Mac PC saying the imortal words: (no! no! no! not 'The Force Be with you')

Intel Inside

I was shocked My self, this is a brave move by the Steve, cause now he runs the risk of competeing purely in terms of OS software, and Windows and Linux have the markets cornered when it comes to Operating Systems. Honestly Apple Should have been dead a long time ago, but through some unknown resilience this Jedi Master has kept his head above water. Now this move is extremely risky and may make or break them, but if anything Steve has taught us over the years, is never to underestimate him.
God Luck Steve, and may the force be with you (I still not buying a mac though)

Sunday, June 05, 2005

More personal Stuff

"Typical airbender response, Avoid and Evade". This was told to the avatar by his long time earthbending friend. After watching the episode I realize that that has been be default response to most problems I face. The past 24 hrs have been quite intresting and based of what has happened I find that I have once again been doing the same. Those who know me well will have heard me say many many times 'my mother always said "Prevention is better than cure"' , for some reason, however, I think I may be taking this out of proportion, and quite possibley hurting mysef in the process Image hosted by
Well, we know that life is about growing and learning, and it has a way of being patient enough to allow us to repeat a course as many times as you need to to learn, the question is, many times, wether or not we'll do it the easy way or the hard way. For me, the path is not clear and in a way, somewhat cloudy, yet I know what the next step should be, and still I take a different path, hmmmm.......
(I think thats why the path is cloudy, it may just be I am headed in the wrong direction....... intresting)

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Theme Song

Ok guys, a few years ago I had started to pick out theme songs for my freinds; ie songs I thought came closest to describing them. Needless to say each person had many songs simple because we all have many dimensions. My Question is, if you had to pick you own theme song, or songs, what would it be? This should be quite interesting to see. If possible put excerpts of the song you think relates to you the most.

For Me the first ones that come to mind right now are;

Its easy not to by Alanis
I Wont Worry about Life Always By unknown


The Following Post is a part of my view of male-female relations, particularly as it relates to me and this current stage in my life.

The past too weeks have seen events take place in my life in which I Question (as always) wether or not it is really that much better for people to be married as opposed to being single? I am sure that I have mentioned that I have believed for many years that a marraige is best freinds who get to have sex, as a result if you illiminate the need for sex (which is no small feat) one may find that marriage is no longer necessary (but then I am a guy). I have often believed that such a state of being was not suitable for me. Last year, however I met an old man at a gass station who told me that his biggest regret in life was that he never got married. He said because of his work, he never had time for women and as a result, now that he is old and has nothing, he also finds that he has no-one. Needless to say this scared me quite a bit, cause I saw myself falling into the same trap that he is now in, in terms of relationships. Still I wish to maintain my course, and so the question is, can one be happy alone? IE When retirement roles around, is being married that much better?

To Be Continued..........

Monday, May 16, 2005

Lyme Thoughts

I'm pressed for time so I cant bother to use spell check :P.

This year was my 4th lyme and the first time I have ever been on its commitee, and believe it was a learning experience and quite stressful at times, Cant say I did a good job, or that it was pulled without a hitch, but all in all we survived the weekend. Here I have to stop and Repeat My big up (Big up posted on Pan Forum)to The real planners of this Lyme, the Guys who really Put this show together; Le Anne and Aleiya. Believe me guys the real creativity and Sweat pured into this Lyme came from them.
Le-Anne, often accused of being Crazy (She is by the way) , Is crazy for a reason, she comes up with some really cool Ideas and concepts, usually along a certain theme but I wont elaborate, what has me forever endebted to her however is her ability to pick up on the little details. For someone who is one of the most forgetfull persons you'll ever meet, she sure knows how to deal with the loose ends. Believe I spent half the time shaking my head and saying that she was usefull to have around :D.
Aleiya,the cool, calm, collected, sarcastic and sharp Member of the team. The real Leader, the one who knew what to do at all times, Believe me if she wasn't there It would have fallen flat on its face long time. I am particularly greatful for working with her because, despite what she shows, deep down, deeep deeeep deeep deeep deeeep down She is a really sweet person :D (there I have ruined her rep, If I disssapear in the next 24 hrs tell the police to search
her back yard)
It was fun working with her. Her mind is maze of intresting twists and turns that spawn some of the most amazing Ideas ever produced by a human Being, Believe me guys, shes on another level.
In any case this lyme was pretty layed back with very few activities being done and still, There were points I wanted to scream (not at the beach guys, for those of u who thought something was wrong then). And you know the worst part is, I definately cant wait till next year to do it all over again :D. Believe me looking bak I saw where I want wrong and I cant wait to jump bak in to do all again, but right this time. Don't bother to say anything Hayden, the 'vision' is still with us.
This blog was not meant to talk about the Highlights of the Lyme, I'll leave that to the other bloggers. However I had to anounce the winners of the choice awards.

Mister GQ by overwhellming majority MB

Vogue Lady of the Year also By Majority Kim

Congenialty, by majority agian, was Katherine

The Ever Miserable award went to Deborah C

and Most unfairly and unjustly, by a cruelly wide margin the award for Suss Master went to Yours Truly. I must say in my defence I am just Missunderstood and that Bianca, Hayden, Aleiya, Kelly and Deborah C are far worse than I am. any way it late so I'll finish some other time till then, See ya.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

WHY WI WHY????????????????

A few seconds ago I saw the West Indies loose 2 wickets for 0 runs. I am hurt and disgusted, just when I was ready to say, yes maybe it was time to start watching cricket again, NOOOO!!!!! they had to ruin it for me. I now feel it the team though, because If I feel this way, can you imagine them. 4 RUNS FOR 4 Wickets OFF 6 BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


We couldn't do that!!!!!!!

I will now watch the other 1 dayers because despite all that is going on in my mind right now (%$#@!@#$###$%$%$#$#@!!!!!!!!!!), what I saw today was what I missed the from the WI glory days, the nail biting finish, only that we usually won in the end. I must commend the batsmen in our team who have risen to the challenge before them, so much so that if we have to chase a target I will sit and watch. Our bowlers however have much to be desired. I'm Not knocking them, I doubt its a lack of effort, but something is missing.
Big Big Props to Chris Gayle, the Second WI batsman to silence me (the first being Lara) I use to question his use to the team, but in this tour he has proven himself to be an exceptional batsman who is living up to the potential the selectors saw in him. Well Done. Right now to me our Top batsmen are:

Chanderpaul, Sarwan and Gayle.

I deliberately left out Lara because, While I admit he is the one of, if not the best in the world, he fails to show the consistency of a underrated great like the current captain, who I would pick over a Lara. Yes Lara might give me 400, but Chanderpaul will give me at least 50.

So Till Next Blog Or Match, Farewell

Monday, May 09, 2005

The Return Of AMD

(sequel To 'Intel Strikes Back')

Heads Up Guys, I am using Mail-To-Blog so many of you will be pleased to hear that I will be using spell check. So if anything slips through blame Yahoo.

This morning I was reading about AMD's new Dual core processors. For those of you who don't know, its a new kind of Processor (a processor is the name that we give to a special chip in the computer called the CPU, Its what Dell is talking about when the say "Intel Pentium 4 inside"). Basically A dual core processor is 2 processors on 1 chip. Now Intel, after having to scramble when AMD released their 64 bit chip before they were even remotely ready, decided to go the route of optimizing their now outdated technology . They came with fake 64 it processors (they seem to operate like 64's but they aren't), and they came out with HT (Hyper Threading). The prob with HT is that most computers at home wont be stressed out enough for it to be a major factor, so don't worry about what it is. Seeing that the industry was still not very impressed, they announced that they will be coming out with "DUAL CORE PROCESSORS" (Dramatic Musical insert here) .
Wow! even I was impressed , and once again I feared for AMD's new found lead in the market.
Not to be outdone however,the great geniuses at AMD's labs (Who operate on a ridiculously smaller budget. Top make it clearer,Intel's research & Development Dept. budget is equivalent to AMD's profit for the year. Ya, a real David and Goliath scenario) announced their Dual core processors (POM POM POM!!!!), but Wait! not only that, they were going on the 64bit processors .
Ha!!!! can you imagine how depressed the Intel guys felt. Needless to say sometime last week benchmark tests were done and, as expected AMD TRASHED Intel in every, thats right, you heard me, EVERY benchmark, hehehe, GO AMD!!!
Unfortunately I will not be able to afford that processor for another 3 yrs as its starting cost is (Drum Roll) $1000us . Yes its the same cost as a high end computer or laptop. But still I love it when the David wins

Any way got work to do so see you guys later.

Quote Of the day: "Wizards 2nd Rule: Passion Rules Reason"

Friday, May 06, 2005


The Winner Of The BashmentBase Award for "Massacring the English Language".

This post deals with a trend I am seeing in pan lately.
Le-Ann rtecently posted about De-motivation and while replying I realized that there was so much to say I might as post it on my own blog.

It saddens me to see the fall of in the enthusiasm in pan. When I first came bak from Mobay very few had any vibes whatsoever, it hit another alltime low again right after Trinidad.
Right Now Alot of people are re-evaluating their priorities, It saddens me cause it means alot of good people may go and at the same time I understand, nobody's life is stagnant, I went through a similar thing when I decided to leave the Debating Society for pan so I see they are coming from. And to be honest in the months leading up to the last concert I was ready to move bak to mobay, I mean I would miss pan, but I thought it was time to move on. But on the last day of that last performance, it was such a thrill that I refound the passion I had for pan. The Next 6 months were painfull for me, I was stuck in mobay, I heard through the grapevine of the happenings in pan, and I was itching to com bak and be apart of it. You could not imagine my joy when I found out that JPS was going to post me bak in Kingston. And since then, I have thrown myself whole heartedly into pan (maybe not in the ways I should, Im not perfect). Some One once asked me when do I see myself leaving pan, and to be honest, I dont, Panoridim is apart of me. Because of this I am really saddened when people begin to loose the fever :S, but I understand. The face of panoridim is changing and I dont know what we are gonna look like in 5 years, and maybe by then I will decide that it is time to move on, we'll see. But To those who are thinking time is up and are re-evaluating your life, do not be afraid to try something different, to branch out into other things, If I didn't do that I would never have joined pan :). When its time, its just time.
I must make mention of a trend I have noticed and am now experienceing. When I first Joined pan Natalie, while cussing someone, made a comment "Some people have the luxury of just coming to pan and play". Believe me, I didn't appreciate it then but I see the light now, I kinda miss those days, but I am commited to pan and I will do anything I can. Honestly though, It takes alot of anergy sometimes. I made a comment to a freind that a sure way to kill vibes for pan is to join the exec :S. It isn't that bad and if you working with a cool group of people, like I do, then its pretty cool, but every once in a while I would miss being able to say, "Dont ask me".
Dont get me wrong I dont mind my stint as VC, and it is very important learning experiebnce for me, and I am glad I was given the chance.

Oops look at the time, I have a 10am Deadline have to run may continue later.
But like B says; Follow your Heart