Sunday, May 29, 2005


The Following Post is a part of my view of male-female relations, particularly as it relates to me and this current stage in my life.

The past too weeks have seen events take place in my life in which I Question (as always) wether or not it is really that much better for people to be married as opposed to being single? I am sure that I have mentioned that I have believed for many years that a marraige is best freinds who get to have sex, as a result if you illiminate the need for sex (which is no small feat) one may find that marriage is no longer necessary (but then I am a guy). I have often believed that such a state of being was not suitable for me. Last year, however I met an old man at a gass station who told me that his biggest regret in life was that he never got married. He said because of his work, he never had time for women and as a result, now that he is old and has nothing, he also finds that he has no-one. Needless to say this scared me quite a bit, cause I saw myself falling into the same trap that he is now in, in terms of relationships. Still I wish to maintain my course, and so the question is, can one be happy alone? IE When retirement roles around, is being married that much better?

To Be Continued..........


Rae said...

interesting seeker. the thought of companionship for life is my main reason for wanting marriage. my friends can only satisfy my need to constantly share with someone to a point, and i'm not talking about sex - though that is clearly a bonus.

bassChocolate said...

I suppose it's a matter of preference. But I must agree with Rae- the reality is, friends can only satisfy the need for companionship to some limited extent. Temporary partners may not give you that level of personal intimacy that will keep you from getting lonely. With a marriage that companionship is there for life.

laroper18 said...

I think maybe you should try and get a better feel of what marriage is. Best way to do so is talking to those older and supposedly wiser. Maybe getting their ups and downs and what they treasure/hate most about their marriages will give you a better idea. Then you can decide if the many "cliche" statements about marriages are founded...and the extent to which your fear will hold water.

D said...

Personally I think the idea of marriage is more for everyone else than it is for the two people getting married. Think about it. Why would you need to spend so much money, go thru the trouble of booking a church, sending out invites, etc etc etc just so you can say "this person is going to be my lifelong companion"? I think the idea of marriage is more to encourage other people to "follow suit", and the ceremony is merely to share your love with your family and friends, to let them in on how happy you are and are going to be. But really and truly, for the couple getting married, nothing essentially changes after the ceremony.

Bashmentbasses said...

There are pros and cons to both situations. As a Christian one has to look at the bible and see what the plan is. There are clear guidelines for both single and married behaviour. The ease with which they can be followed depends on the individual.

You are still relatively young so you can afford to be confused or indecisive about that decision right now. When you get older and the group of singles dwindles, you'll spend lots of time immersed in work or other activities to distract you from the fact that you are lonely. Even the loners like myself have realised that there are benefits to having a good parner by your side.

Running after marriage in and of itself is foolish. If you have found a good partner and you are both willing, then mariage is a natural next step.

Getting married to legally sanction sex is foolish, to ensure you have someone when you are old will leave you lonely. Marriage is best for those who have found someone they wish to share the rest of their life with.

Seek to enjoy the company of friends. From that mix you may find one whose company you enjoy so much that you are willing to share more of yourself with. Then that may progress to deeper intimacy that inspires you to concretise the realtionship and that's where marriage comes in.

D's point is valid ..... for men only. women view things differently. You would be wise to learn that if you heading in that direction and honeymoon will be great. Otherwise.....

Aleiya said...

Thanks for your own blog response Hayden :-)

Well, I for one fear marriage. (You can shut your mouths now.) Yep, I'm one of a few females who shudder when I think about spending my entire life with one person, who has the right to be around and demand my time, love and patience, etc. forever.

It's not an easy instituion, and kudos to those who have made it.

But I guess I have to agree with BB, somewhere along the way you will meet someone who will make you want to forget and forsake all others yada yada.

Till then keep an open mind and don't try to control it. Nothing goes awry like a scripted life.

laroper18 said...

Aleiya, you're not the only female afaid of marriage. So am I. But I see the other side to not taking that step and overcoming the fear...loniless. I see people (one person at my work place in particular) who are very, very lonely because they have noone to "call their own". And it sometimes breaks my heart. One in particular talks non-stop when he get company (he's prob. over 60/70)I REALLY don't want to end up like that. I hate being around him sometimes because of the volume of things he say over and over and over...

Will I ever get married? Time will tell, but I know that I do want to...

B said...

Marriage is definitely about more than a wedding, do not confuse the two things, guys. A wedding ceremony has unfortunately become an over-hyped beginning, which people often forget is meant to be a symbolic joining of two people witnessed by those they love and who love them. It is still possible to have a civil ceremony and skip the flowers and cake and all that jazz.

The marriage, is the serious part which starts after the 2 people go home and are faced with spending their lives together. Unfortunately for many it is not the happiest of lifetimes, too often because it was entered into for the wrong reasons (like to legitimize sex or because it was time).

Before two people get married they should be moe than just best friends. They should be an essential part of each others lives. They should each be better people for being with the other person. The love they share should run deep into the soul of their being. They should find that though they maintain their independent selves, the combination of them both creates something greater than a simple sum of the two.

It is not something to be rushed into, nor is it something that one should spend all one's time searching for. It will come in it's own time.

In the meantime, people need to spend time with themselves making sure they are the best they can be and learning as much about themselves as they can. Spend time with friends and family, so that we are capable of love. Spend time doing the things we enjoy so that we have a life and spirit that doesn't depend on anyone else.

Whether you end up with someone or not, do your best now to ensure that you live your life to its fullest and hopefully find your purpose in life. If you do find someone to share that life with, then you can look at it as icing on the cake.

Bashmentbasses said...

"I don't mind when the time
sets the sun to the moon
I just don't wanna be lonely
Let the stairs find you there
at the end of the room
I just don't wanna be lonely

I'd rather be loved and needed
Depended on to give a love I can't give
When you're gone, when you're gone
I just don't want to be lonely"

bassChocolate said...

I have to agree with B, a wedding lasts a few hours, a marriage a lifetime (it supposed to anyway). I think wedding's have become sensationised, but I also think that's fine. But the more important thing is that the wedding is happening for the right reasons.

One does not hunt for wife or husband material, it just happens. Love happens. And hopefully you allow love, real love, to happen before you decide to get married. Both persons benefit from the relationship. Essentially spouses feed off each other, but in a good way; that support system is always there when you need it.

I personally am not afraid of marriage, though I have thought at times 'Why should I be waking up to the same face every morning for the rest of my life?' Why? Because once you've found that person, it's worth it.

me said...

I agree with B, don't confuse marriage with a wedding, and if you're not the wedding type then there's always the option of eloping.
The wedding is basically saying to the world I've decided to try making this person "the one" no matter what, marriage is actually making it work, after all the newlywed bliss has died down and the imperfections come to the surface.
It's easy to be single and see the negative characteristics of marriage (being with only one person, putting up with someone elses quirks etc.) but don't forget the good side (having someone when you need a pick-me-up, companionship and warmth at your lowest points, someone loving you enough to put up with your quirks etc.)

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