Sunday, October 09, 2005

Birthday

Hush PIB but no spell check used here.

So here it is another birthday, and to be honest with you I would not remember it if People did not constantly remind me.

I think my total apathy for my birthday started bak in highschool, when I realized that it was only a special day cause every one felt that way, to me My family were only showing what I always knew, that they loved me. I never went out much so the only freinds I had were the ones at school, but at an all boys school, ur Birthday is closly gaurded secret, that is, if you plan to go home in clean clothes. So I went through 7 yrs of Cornwall colledge where the only people to tell me happy birthday was my familly, and about 2 or 3 other freinds who never did much about it. By the time I got to UWI my birthday was just another day.

My family, I think, realized this about me and respected it, they still do, for the last couple of years they have toned down there celebrations, to the point where I just a happy birthday during the course of the day. That I can live with.

So now I am at a point where I dont really celebrate my birthday, but alot of my freinds feel otherwise. Last year was a fight to get some of my freinds to not get me gifts and to not make celebration of it. Believe me, I was really annoyed with alot of people during that time. One of my freinds told me at that time that I was being unfair and selfish, to this day I dont fully see why tellin people not to buy me gifts and to not take me out for my birthday is being selfish. And even if it is, its MY birthday. In any case, so this year, I have said nothing much, I think people have got the gist from last year so with the exception of one freind so far, I have been left alone for the most part, for that I am greatfull :).

There is also something I have noticed about my self around this time however, I did not realize it till last night. I enjoy being by myself during this time, I become more withdrawn a bit colder and very silent. Its not that I am Depressed or reflective, its just that I just have a need for my own company. And contrary to popular belief, I am fine.

I realize now taht this apathy extends to many things, it was part of my dissintrest in my graduation, It is also why I am not taht into christmas and other major holidays and events. I participate in these things, because my freinds find them important, and I have come to learn to respect that, but not on my birthday, thats my day to be as apathetic as i want :).

My apathy has always been bother for me. I used to think something was wrong with me when I didnt feel as worked up about things that everyone got worked up abaout, but then I have learned to live with that.
I am not totally apathetic, however, there are things I am passionate about, (pan being one of then :D). but some of the things that are 'standard' are totally lost on me :S.

Any way have to run. TTYL

5 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Bashmentbasses said...

Well I have learned that being friends with ppl is also to allow them to celebrate with you and mourn with you and allow them to do special things for you to show they appreciate you.

For me it is easier to give than to receive and I find it quite difficult to open myself to receiving. I too prefer to let mine slip by without mention. I haven't been so fortunate and I guess in that respects I am fortunate.

Sharing yourself/your time is part of the mix.

Hope you had a great one. Don't tell ppl I took you out dancing.

bassChocolate said...

I see where you're coming from. I too have that attitude towards so-called 'special' days sometimes, and certainly more and more as the years go by. I've learned however to let my friends do their thing, even if I'm not as excited as they are. As long as I don't feel like I'm really being dragged into doing thngs I don't wanna do.

Last year for my birthday I did nothing, and I was fine with it. I think I wanna switch things up this year though. Life is too valuable to not celebrate it, acknowledging God's graces in taking me thru another year, and celebrating with the people that I've shared my life with. I could do that any other day, but why not my birthday too?

Horse Sense said...
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me said...

I can appreciate what you guys are saying but please understand if I acknowledge your birthdays and not just let them slip past (I'm almost certain that I'm not the one Mark refers to in his blog though because she almost gave me a cussoff for not helping her plan a party for him after he asked me to discourage her...ah, being stuck in the middle).
See, birthdays are kinda a big thing in my family. And I've never been floured for my birthday (I did get caught in the crossfire once though, and wouldn't you know it, I was wearing full black) so sorry if I don't share your apathy.
I guess if you're so set then I hope to one day accept your stand, until then watch your back around Oct 9