Warning, in addition to bad Grammer and Horrible spelling, this blog was trully just me venting, as such, it is incoherent and it mianders all over the place, It will be removed soon so dont worry.
Its concert time at pan and Project Time at work, both of which require alot of effort. I have become increassingly private and alot less jovial around people I know. But dispite all this I cant complain.
Things at work are piling up on us, yet My boss is extremely understanding
and days that I have to leave he allows me to. Pan is gettting to crunch time, my playing has improved drastically, all i have to work opn now is maintaining my concentration and some other "niggling" runs that still bother me.
In both cases, if I had the time to devote to Iether exclusively then all would be well, but such is not the case.
As such I do what I can, put in extra effort where I can.
Last night, however, there was a meeting about the progress we were making for the concert, and at the end of it I felt extremely guilty. How many Sundays have passed when I could go to the panyard and I have just stayed at home and chilled :S.
I have not practiced what I preach.
The thing is, I believe, a concert is a concert is a concert, IE whatever it takes to get it done, should be done, and I have not done so. They have spoken about the attitude of the band, but I find myself being the culprit in my own section, where all others have made and continue to make that extra effort to get their songs up to standard.
Last night after practice I was speaking to BB, and I was shocked(ish), by his sacrifice, and I it re-confirmed that I cant complain about my situation, and the intresting part is that no matter where I go, wether I stay extra late at work, or run practice till 2am, I will have fun. I have been fortunate to have only have 2 major resposibilities on my plate.
- I have no church that I am a member of, or have any responsibility to (dont plan to change that, but that is for another blog)
- And I dont have anybody at my yard to cuss about me staying late and spending too much time at Pan or work (see going Monk serves a purpose ;))
Ah well, the by product of this of course is a problem I have allways had, especially since final year. I have no one I feel totaly comfortable with voicing any (trivial as they may seem in comprarison) of my complaints with (well there are a few people).
I mean, I am greateful for all that I havre been given, I have been tremendously blessed, and as stressfull as this situation is, I get every morning feeling alive and ready and eager to get to work or pan, whichever comes first. But say on a day I dont feel that chirpy, I am sometimes hard pressed to find someone O dont feel guilty complaining to :S.
I find myself goin bak to how I was before, talk less, listen more, and If i dont feel like listening, I'll just avoid you. the problem with that, is that it can be interpreted the wrong way.
Fortunately for me, there is always prayer. Last night was a perfect example. While the small side was practicing, I was not feeling very jovial, I was thinking about problems at work, and I looked around, and every body had a bigger problem than I had, so I decided to take a walk,and for some reason I felt like praying, so I did. There is a song I lov "it amazing what praises can do", and believe me its true (y).
By the time I was through, I was bak to feeling greate(ish), and went bak inside.
U know God is good, here it is I am typing about someone to talk to and I end up writing an example where I spoke to him and I felt better LOL.
God has a sense of humer, Good one G.
Ok I have to go, got work to do, so Ill talk some more later.
Question of the day:
It is said 'To whom much is given much is expected', but how does one give bak?