Monday, November 21, 2005

Scary Direction

Ok So Last Friday and Saturday saw me in a rather pensive mood, I had missed yet another deadline, with completion not looking to come anytime soon, added to that, I had some calls from a number of friends that Either shook me up or they were being shaken up, all in a it was a pretty ‘Roller Coaster-ish’ weekend.

The problem is, what made this weekend so scary, was that I had a extremely strong urge to just have a few drinks by myself at Escape (* escape is a little Bar/Club near where I work).
Believe me when I say strong I mean strong, If didn’t have anything else to do I would have reached. One friend has already told me that this is the first step to being an alcoholic. :S

It is weird I am not sure what is happening to me in that regard, I have moved from a person who would not touch liquor 6 yrs ago to some one who drinks regularly when going out, and added to that is now at a point where I enjoy spending time by myself with a drink.

Mind you I have only done that escape thing once, but I left there feeling so much better, that every time I am in one of those moods I just want to go.

I think the liquor combined with the ability to be alone with my thoughts is what I like the most. I am out in the open, fresh air a good drink, and only strangers around me, who respect my desire to be alone.

And you know the sad part; just typing about it makes me want to go there tonight.

What is happening to me?

I do have a deep rooted fair of becoming an alcoholic, I know I have a personality that has a propensity for Addictions, but at the same time, I am comfortable where I am, it and I know that currently my drinking level is not a threat to myself or anyone, but can I say the same thing Six Months or a year from now? :S

I know that prevention is better than cure, but its hard. I hope that once I get my vac. And I get to relax a bit, these urges will go, but I have a nagging suspicion they wont.

Anyway, have a conference call coming up have to run.

See Ya

Friday, November 18, 2005

No Food For the Poor

Hmmm I don’t know what my opinion on state handouts are, but Shortly after trying to reduce the # of minorities in New Orleans the Bush Administration are trying a new tactic by reducing spending on Food Stamps.


Bush is beginning to behave like a little Dictator I knew who seemed to think that Killing Jews would solve all his problems. Seems like Kanye was right. Any way there are many sides to this issue, and this is just my initial response, maybe after thinking about it some more I ‘ll change my tune, until then.

Bushes theme Song is from, ironically, Biggi Small. The same Song I had mentioned in another blog.

**** the world Don’t ask me for ****

OK! OK! I admit the statements made above are a bit extreme and unfair the administration, But they makes ‘Bush Bashing’ so easy. Welfare systems are helpful, but there are Times I wonder about them :S, in any case that is for another blog.

Hand from the shadows?

I know it has been a while, but I have been a bit swamped with work and missing Deadlines.

Recently, in a discussion I was having with a friend ,I revealed that my enthusiasm for globalization has waned.

I at one point agreed that a single Global economy would make life better for every one.
But allas, what is the price we are willing to pay for this ‘possibility’ that we know will never be as good as it is on paper.
I have begun to ask myself; was I caught up in the glitter that surrounded this Great thing called Globalization? Is it really going to benefit the massive, Or are we headed to a future Written about By Asimove and other SciFi greats who talked about Big Co-orps running everything?

What really drove this home for me was the fact that workers in Australia were protesting the fact that the govt. wanted to strip some power from Workers Unions in an attempted to make their labor force more attractive to international investors.

Am I the only person who sees something wrong with this? :S

I am now scared. What direction are we headed in? I know economics are important measures and Benchmarks to use to View a society, but is it the right way?

To cater to Economics, and by extension Big Businesses, the state focuses its energies on profitability and returns. But is this what it should be? What ever happened to the welfare of the masses?

Australia is a strong Economy with a strong work force, but the Demand for ‘More’ is causing its leaders to take a course of action that will hurt its people. Worse yet, if a first world nation is doing this, what are ‘Developing’ nations to do?

Are they to just strip all rights from their workers just so as to attract inverters? How does that help the poor?

Answer? It doesn’t.

I now see globalization as a way to widen the gap between the rich and the poor. I had hoped that it would inspire the Growth of a middle class but it seems the Triangle is hard to escape. Now the world is now on a path to hand over its soul to ‘the hand from the shadows’ and as we draw nearer we begin to smell a stink.

Now I wait to see, will we awake in time to avert disaster, or will the future be a bleak future of pointless existence for the poor?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

JPS and Me. (Blowin some steam)

In my final year at UWI, as many of you already know, I had 2 Jobs. My Job at DOMS had me looking forward to every day. My job with MSB however, often left me feel inadequate and a bit stupid. I kept expecting to have my boss call me over and say, “We are gonna have to let you go”. That was never the case. Yay

Of late JPS has been having me feel that way, Not Quite Stupid though. Now I just Feel Inadequate and unequal to the task.

The thing is, all the stuff I have to do I KNOW I can Do it, I probably take longer than your typical 'Super-Genius' Employee in our Division but I know I can, that’s good.
The bad part is ITS JUST TOO MUCH!

I can say Of the 4 major projects we have set out to do this year I have only completed 1.


And I know if I was given time to work on then individually, to properly plan how I would develop these Applications, then All would be well, But none of that is happening.

What has me most annoyed, Frustrated and AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
There is nobody in this Company, especially my division, I can Talk to about it. Everybody in IS has an overflowing plate. But do they fall behind Deadlines. Often Times only completing a job a week or 2 after its Due.
In fact everybody gets home by 10 and 11 (the latest!), and work for a few hours on Sat. Not Me… I typically have to work till 12 and the whole day Sunday into at least 10pm before I can Begin to see progress. Only recently Did i decide to start taking Saturdays off.

Believe ME It is starting to get to me
I feel like I need to go back and Do over My CompSci Degree, because I am sure they taught me all this and I just don’t remember it.
Its so bad that I have decided to find some course somewhere on Software development, Cause I am sure I‘m doing something wrong.

Added that though, the part that really bugs me, is how to juggle all this work and actually get the Job Done. Everybody here does with such ease and Calm it just AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!! Why cant I do it.

Slowly I getting that feeling again where I half expect to open my email again and see a termination letter.

Any way I gone back to work


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Lessons Taught for 2005 (not necessarily learned)

1. Seek balance
2. Passion Rules reason
3. When In Doubt Don’t
4. Parents Get Old
5. Your Friends wont always say no for you
6. You cant say No all the Time
7. Seek Balance
8. Silence is provides the Greatest opportunity to learn
9. Beware of unwittingly burning bridges
10. Honesty is definitely NOT always the best policy
11. Know what you want
12. Know that you will not always get what you want
13. Know that you Should not get some of what you want
14. Seek Balance
16. The Path will not always be clear.
17. Have Faith
15. Seek God

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Land Of the Free to s***w everyone else

Once again The Complete Arrogance of this (***Insert Expletive here***) man has me Completely Riled.
I have voiced My opinions about this man and his Team before and you’d think I would have learned to calm down by now, but I just cant Keep Silent. The Bush administration is one straight from out of the Cold war days. An Anal Retentive set of Paranoid Terrorists.

It is amazing How they are able to get me Spitting mad, The first thing that had me, Which by the way I am still Llivid about is the fact those (***Insert Expletive here***) people had the gall to ask the UN to exempt them from War Crime Tribunals.

Again I am forced to stop Typing, due to the fact that Children may read this post.

The next thing is the fact that the decided to invade Iraq Despite Cofi Annon’s reservations. And To add insult to injury, I am almost certain they are behind the Scandal surrounded the secretary general shortly after he public denounced the invasion.

But alas they were not done there. To ensure there was no doubt the world knew that the US has more respect for its own sh** oops I mean FEACAL MATTER than the UN, they appoint as their ambassador a man who’s track record Shows he has no tact and couldn’t care less about you if you are not American.

Stopping to calm down.. Again.

However, after realizing that I haven’t Popped a blood vessel yet. The have now Decided to prevent the UN inspectors from interviewing their Prisoners of war. After Forcing the UN to negotiate for 3 YEARS before they had a chance to take a look at the prison, and then to top it off, today the Washington Post reveals Top secret prisons for Terrorists.

FREEDOM MY (***Insert Expletive here***)

The author of this blog has ended transmission do his inability to stop swearing at this point in time