The problem is, what made this weekend so scary, was that I had a extremely strong urge to just have a few drinks by myself at Escape (* escape is a little Bar/Club near where I work).
Believe me when I say strong I mean strong, If didn’t have anything else to do I would have reached. One friend has already told me that this is the first step to being an alcoholic. :S
It is weird I am not sure what is happening to me in that regard, I have moved from a person who would not touch liquor 6 yrs ago to some one who drinks regularly when going out, and added to that is now at a point where I enjoy spending time by myself with a drink.
Mind you I have only done that escape thing once, but I left there feeling so much better, that every time I am in one of those moods I just want to go.
I think the liquor combined with the ability to be alone with my thoughts is what I like the most. I am out in the open, fresh air a good drink, and only strangers around me, who respect my desire to be alone.
And you know the sad part; just typing about it makes me want to go there tonight.
What is happening to me?
I do have a deep rooted fair of becoming an alcoholic, I know I have a personality that has a propensity for Addictions, but at the same time, I am comfortable where I am, it and I know that currently my drinking level is not a threat to myself or anyone, but can I say the same thing Six Months or a year from now? :S
I know that prevention is better than cure, but its hard. I hope that once I get my vac. And I get to relax a bit, these urges will go, but I have a nagging suspicion they wont.
Anyway, have a conference call coming up have to run.