Wednesday, November 09, 2005

JPS and Me. (Blowin some steam)

In my final year at UWI, as many of you already know, I had 2 Jobs. My Job at DOMS had me looking forward to every day. My job with MSB however, often left me feel inadequate and a bit stupid. I kept expecting to have my boss call me over and say, “We are gonna have to let you go”. That was never the case. Yay

Of late JPS has been having me feel that way, Not Quite Stupid though. Now I just Feel Inadequate and unequal to the task.

The thing is, all the stuff I have to do I KNOW I can Do it, I probably take longer than your typical 'Super-Genius' Employee in our Division but I know I can, that’s good.
The bad part is ITS JUST TOO MUCH!

I can say Of the 4 major projects we have set out to do this year I have only completed 1.


And I know if I was given time to work on then individually, to properly plan how I would develop these Applications, then All would be well, But none of that is happening.

What has me most annoyed, Frustrated and AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
There is nobody in this Company, especially my division, I can Talk to about it. Everybody in IS has an overflowing plate. But do they fall behind Deadlines. Often Times only completing a job a week or 2 after its Due.
In fact everybody gets home by 10 and 11 (the latest!), and work for a few hours on Sat. Not Me… I typically have to work till 12 and the whole day Sunday into at least 10pm before I can Begin to see progress. Only recently Did i decide to start taking Saturdays off.

Believe ME It is starting to get to me
I feel like I need to go back and Do over My CompSci Degree, because I am sure they taught me all this and I just don’t remember it.
Its so bad that I have decided to find some course somewhere on Software development, Cause I am sure I‘m doing something wrong.

Added that though, the part that really bugs me, is how to juggle all this work and actually get the Job Done. Everybody here does with such ease and Calm it just AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!! Why cant I do it.

Slowly I getting that feeling again where I half expect to open my email again and see a termination letter.

Any way I gone back to work



B said...

Is there noone (not necessarily above you) that you could maybe ask one day how they manage to stay on top of the projects to give you some tips for managing your workload?

reluctant intellectual said...

Yeah, I'm with "b." Actually, when you talk to other people about it, you'd be surprised to find out how much they have similar feelings to yours, even if you can't see them. And even if they don't exactly have the same experiences, you'll be amazed to know how much they can reassure you that yours are nothing to worry about - the things you stress about because you think they're important to your boss's or co-workers' impression of you (or of what it means to do a good job) may not actually be of any importance to them. They may be focusing on things you don't notice. You won't know until you try to find out. And if the termination letter hasn't come yet (and believe me I have spent considerable periods expecting it myself in past jobs), it's probably because there's no reason for anyone to write it.

D said...

I wonder the same thing when im doing my classes. I work and go to school, just like everyone else in my class. The difference is every day after work I go straight home, eat dinner, bathe, then do work until midnight. Most Saturdays and Sundays im doing work. During project or exam time, EVERYTHING stops, the only thing is work and school, nothing else. Yet the majority of my classmates have demanding jobs, are married, have families and other responsibilities, and yet still manage to get everything done for class, better than me even. How they do it I dont know. The only thing that makes me feel a little better about that is most of them have a business background, whereas I have none.

Bashmentbasses said...

Chronicle what you do each day. Account for all breaks, chit chats, and see where your time is going.

You're a smart guy so whatever is rough due to fuzziness of brain will become smooth soon enough.

If all else fails, add something else to your life. Those with nuff to do and much to lose tend to juggle quite well out of necessity.

laroper18 said...

Try not signing into msn messnger for 3 days between the hours of 7am and 8pm and ignore blogging and reading them for the same 3 days. See if that makes a difference.

Rae said...

Bwoy Le, you a kill di man life line right ya now. Seeker... poor u