Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Balance (yah yah yah another personal post)

Running Out Of Spellcheck Disclaimers to write

Of late, I realized that I have been treating some of my freinds not too well. Where as I may make the excuse that I am really stressed out at work, it does not hold water as I am sure that they find time for me when they are also stressed.
Now the Question is how much should one give of ones self, I am coming from a time when If anybody asked me to do anything I would do it on a drop of a dime, no matter how much it cost me, but of late i have realized that although freinds mean you well, you cant expect them to say no for you all the time, and as such I have begone to do what I feel like, allowing the chips to fall where they may, I mean I aint gone totally selfish, I will do stuff for people and I will call and say hi once in a while, but If I dont feel like it, and worse, if it interfears with Work or Pan, u aint getting nada out of me. The problem here is that, there are some freinds who have been with me through thick and thin from way bak that I have begone to isolate as a result of this new approach. Image hosted by Photobucket.com
So now I am stuck with a delima, now that I am swinging from one extreme, where do I stop the pendulum before I totaly isolate myself from those around me.

12 comments:

Bashmentbasses said...

Timetable some time for them. It could be a simple thing like a call. Just make sure the effort is on your part and not all their doing. I note on my calender or in my phone to give ppl calls and important dates like wedding anniversaries and b'days and other stuff.

I'm famous for being too scarce and end up losing soem really good ones. Moochers can get lost no prob though.

laroper18 said...

I think the key is to re-evaluate your priorities and your life on a whole. This does not seem to be the only thing that you have a problem with... and you seem to have changed significanly over the last couple months. Maybe when you find what went wrong/is going wrong, then you can better address the different situations.

All the best.

PS: I am still here...you haven't isolate me yet :)

D said...

Personally I think youre on the right track, exactly where youre supposed to be. Being totally unselfish isnt good because you dont get to know yourself nor make yourself happy. And being selfish isnt good because, well you run the risk of ending up alone. Now that youve experienced both extremes it will be easier to find a middle ground. A good place to start figuring out that middle ground is realizing those friends who are still there for you even through the selfish phase. Good luck.

me said...

I would just like to say, having played the dual role of friend and fellow pan member in your life, they have AA meeting on Wednesday at Hilton hotel (I think it's a sign, Hylton at Hilton).
The only thing that interferes with your workaholism is your panoholism.

Bashmentbasses said...

My yout, nuff ppl go thru da ting yah weh a worry yu. No fret bout dat. It a worry yu cause yu used to run roun fi ppl an now yu nah do it an it noticeable to yu and maybe some of dem. It happens.

Work wid it. YU ave plenty work and plenty pan and all di meetings dem weh come wid both. Just mek sure seh yu no leave out God. Him will mek sure yu keep up wid whomever yu fi keep up wid.

Irie!

Rae said...

What Hayden said! ;)

bassChocolate said...

I know for me sometimes there's no excuse I have for not treating friends as well as I could apart from sheer laziness. But you're a much busier guy. Make every effort you can, but member you're only one man, there's only so much pressure you should place on yourself to please the whole world.

Anonymous said...

It's a completely normal phase that you are in right now. it is 'acceptibly selfish.' BY so doing the Mark emrge; and as others have suggested, there are consequences - people feel neglected and cuss you for not being a good friend. Yet if needs be, it is perhaps a chance that you can take.

PS. Your family should not, under any circumstance, be ignored. DAAWH!

B said...

Mark, as Diallo said, you are on your way to finding that balance. For too long you have put everybody else in front of yourself, leaving you always feeling drawn in all directions. Now that you have managed to re-establish yourself and your interests as a priority, you will be able to find a happy medium whereby you include those people that really mean the most to you. As Emru said, it can be as simple as scheduling some time to set aside for them. If they are real friends they won't mind being timetabled, and will just be glad to still have you in their life.

Bashmentbasses said...

I AM NOT EMRU!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

alex said...

ever heard of the P/PC balance. I wont get into detail, but basically it says that keeping for urself is just as important as giving of urself as many have already commented. One reason for this is that if you give too much and dont spend enough time reinvesting in yourself, after time you wont have anything to give anymore. Although maybe it would work if at such a time, the people who have been giving urself to, would turn around and support you when you dry up, but who is guaranteed such a thing in this society. Even if your friends dont abandon you, there is no guarantee that they can help you, even if they want to. But I believe when the bible says that there is a time for everything and this speaks of balance. As you have probably experienced, either extreme can get u into serious trouble.

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