Monday, September 18, 2006

Why Nice Guys Make 'Not So Ideal' Boyfriends.

This Blog has been inspired by a number of my friends either from their experiences or Statements they have made.

Mummy Mel once said to me; “the thing about some guys is that the very thing that attracts you to them is the thing that makes a relationship with them difficult”

You see, the nice guy you know is the kind of guy you basically call on at any time and he will there for you. A Listening ear and an extra hand that is always on call, seemingly there to cater for your every need.In many cases he is also the perfect gentleman as well as personal body guard/Escort when you just want some one to go out with.

Now this makes him look really good in your eyes and the fact that all of his friends (which include a large number of females) can count on him makes him seem suitable to be your mate.

The catch 22 is only seen when you do manage to snatch this ‘close to perfect’ man. You begin to realize his ability to be on call for you and for all his other friends means that his personal life gets neglected. He’s such a great guy however that It isn’t really a problem, He’ll gladly sacrifice his personal life to suit your every whim… cool until you ARE apart of his personal life, and you begin to realize that you are now being sacrificed, for him to be on call.

Now what I find happening is that some women feel neglected and may go as far as to think he may not love them. But that is very much (usually) far from the case.

The problem really starts when you start to complain because you both realize that you essentially want him to become b*tch to his friends… sticky.
A lot of women put up with this abuse because they feel guilty about telling him he needs to cut his friends off, at the same time those who have no such reservations find that their S.O. may become more distant and hurt, thinking you are asking them to not only give up their friends but to also Become a cold hearted and calculating person… Very Sticky.

Solution? I don’t know.
What I have found Is that a compromise has to be made. The guy must realize if he wants to keep this girl he has to make her feel special period… easier said than done I know., but you have to let her know that the level importance she has in your life is above your other friends. On Her side, she going to have to realize that she should not try to change what she loved about him to begin with, Share a little, Don’t turn you man into soothing you’d hate, it may backfire.

Here endeth the reading of The Seeker Of Truth’s Infinite words of not so wise wisdom.


Bashmentbasses said...

Preach it brother! Testify!!

Now practice it!

Of course you could snag a smart one who makes herself the damsel in distress to get your attention and time. Your availability to her and unavailability to your usual suspects will result in them callin on you less. That will wok for your S.O. and by extention, you.....unless you enjoy being 'saviour' to all!

Rae said...

Just a suggestion from experience, a

'babe, I'm sorry that we can't do what we planned tonight because this thing came up, but I wanna spend time with you, can u come with me?'

FAAAAAAAAR outweighs a

'babe, I'm sorry that we can't do what we planned tonight because this thing came up, can I see you tomorrow?'

It's much easier on a relationship to include your girl in your errands rather than to sacrifice her for them. I bet, if all she wants to do is spend time with you too, she won't mind a bit. (maybe give her some incentive on the drive home ;)

bassChocolate said...

No reasonable g/f can expect her b/f to be respond to her every request for time and attention. No reasonable b/f can expect his g/f to sit there and be neglected as he sees to the needs of the world. Compromise is the name of the game.

One goes into a relationship knowing that he can't live his life quite the way he was living it before... there's a new priority which must be treated accordingly, and evert true friend of his will also understand this. Time becomes harder to divide, and as such some people can't get teh type of pampered treatment from the guy as they did before.

Such is life. They have to deal with it. The g/f shouldn't have to... certainly not most fo the time.