Friday, June 03, 2011

My Wedding

While having a discussion with a friend I started to give her the only wedding that I would be willing to participate in and while listing out the requirements I realized it would make a good post.... so here goes.

  • To start, my wedding outfit will consist of my face being painted in a blue and white stripes and i will also be wearing a quilt (reference: Braveheart).
  • To enter i will kick open the chapel doors screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" (reference: 300)
  • Upon reaching the altar i would greet the pastor with: "Ave, Caesar, morituri te salutant"
    (this is latin for "We who are about to die salute you". It was the greeting gladiators gave to Ceasar before that start of a bout)
  • When the ring is put on my finger i will cry; "FREEDOM!"
    (reference Braveheart)
  • Once the ring is one my finger, my captor... er I mean wife, will the latch the ceremonial ball and chain to my ankle and swallow the the key and the ceremoniously say:
    To retrieve this key this bond doth give thee here no jot of blood;
    The words expressly are 'till death do us part':
    Take then thy bond, take thou thy key to freedom;
    But, in the cutting it, if thou dost shed
    One drop of Christian blood, thy lands and goods
    Are, by the laws of Venice, confiscate

(reference: Merchant of venice.)

If ANY woman shall be found willing to have such a wedding I Mark Paul Errol Hylton will assiduously and seriously, diligently and deliberately consider taking this woman for my wife.

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