Why Nice Guys Make 'Not So Ideal' Boyfriends.

This Blog has been inspired by a number of my friends either from their experiences or Statements they have made.

Mummy Mel once said to me; “the thing about some guys is that the very thing that attracts you to them is the thing that makes a relationship with them difficult”

You see, the nice guy you know is the kind of guy you basically call on at any time and he will there for you. A Listening ear and an extra hand that is always on call, seemingly there to cater for your every need.In many cases he is also the perfect gentleman as well as personal body guard/Escort when you just want some one to go out with.

Now this makes him look really good in your eyes and the fact that all of his friends (which include a large number of females) can count on him makes him seem suitable to be your mate.

The catch 22 is only seen when you do manage to snatch this ‘close to perfect’ man. You begin to realize his ability to be on call for you and for all his other friends means that his personal life gets neglected. He’s such a great guy however that It isn’t really a problem, He’ll gladly sacrifice his personal life to suit your every whim… cool until you ARE apart of his personal life, and you begin to realize that you are now being sacrificed, for him to be on call.

Now what I find happening is that some women feel neglected and may go as far as to think he may not love them. But that is very much (usually) far from the case.

The problem really starts when you start to complain because you both realize that you essentially want him to become b*tch to his friends… sticky.
A lot of women put up with this abuse because they feel guilty about telling him he needs to cut his friends off, at the same time those who have no such reservations find that their S.O. may become more distant and hurt, thinking you are asking them to not only give up their friends but to also Become a cold hearted and calculating person… Very Sticky.

Solution? I don’t know.
What I have found Is that a compromise has to be made. The guy must realize if he wants to keep this girl he has to make her feel special period… easier said than done I know., but you have to let her know that the level importance she has in your life is above your other friends. On Her side, she going to have to realize that she should not try to change what she loved about him to begin with, Share a little, Don’t turn you man into soothing you’d hate, it may backfire.





Here endeth the reading of The Seeker Of Truth’s Infinite words of not so wise wisdom.

Chess in 10th grade

I do not use ‘foul’ language simply because I choose not. It no longer holds a fascination for me. I will use if needed but I realize that the less you use it the profound it is when you do.
I went through ‘foul-mouth’ hay day in tenth grade where every other word during a chess match was punctuated with the first curse word that came to mind.
I became very proficient in its use and it became almost second nature.

I must say that we were so bad that they almost banned chess playing because of us, But then you have to understand teachers dilemma… You pass a classroom and you all you hear is chairs moving and guys shouting the most foul of languages at the top of their lungs and you walking expecting to see either a fight, football game or some illegal magazine, only to find every one sounding 3 to four tables each with game of chess going on.
Mind you fights did break out over these chess games. Those guys were passionate about it. The best players were not always the most bookish; in fact one of them rarely attended classes had very poor grades and essentially was a ‘bad man’. Actually I suspect he was in a gang.
It was on of the things I loved about my time in 10grd. The great diversity in our backgrounds and our outlooks took second place to out love for the game. It was a melding of great minds.
I will not brag and say I was the best. I was amongst the best, after a while ppl became careful of whom they challenged. I remember on person in particular, I honestly thought he was the best player in the class, but he use to run from matches he thought he would loose
Playing against him was like playing against a brick wall unstoppable that fellow.. He could have beat every one but for whatever reason he doubted his own skill

He definitely beat me more times than I beat him.

Boy thinking about it I do miss that about tenth grade, the endless chess matches every lunchtime… sigh. I must say that I don’t think any of us joined the schools chess club or team for that matter
This was just a bunch of guys wanting flex their mental prowess and see who was better.

Who said testosterone was bad?

Apologizing.

Hmmm. The art of apologizing.
We all have a need some point our lives to apologize, lets face we aren’t that perfect. Of late however I find apologizing is hard, not because I feel I am right or anything like that. Rather its because I am tired.

I don’t think I apologize more often than anyone else but I find that saying words don’t mean much, even coming out of my own mouth. In my mind my actions should show my apology more so than my words…

However being that I interact with humans I realize that the words carry some symbolism to them and so I say them… I must admit to myself that they mean something when people say it to me.
I guess the primary means of expressing emotion between humans is the use of words. As such, remorse and the associated feelings are typically expressed through this medium.

This leaves a peculiar problem for me… I really am tired of saying sorry, it is really hard for me to express how hollow it sounds to myself. Don’t get me wrong I am sorry… well usually, if I think I am in the wrong…. and I do… ahh… usually… intend to do better.

I guess this is another rule/guideline that governs human interaction that one should adhere to…boy we humans are something else.

Time To Go Old Boy

So it is the End of days for Tony Blair’s rain and it seems the British ppl, or at least the ones in his own party, cant wait to see the back of him.

My view on this whole situation is that it is a classic case of ;
‘bad people happening to good individuals’.

The fact of the matter is Britain and the US are allies and during Clinton’s presidency Blair and Clinton Forged a very strong relationship between the two countries. Together moving and shaking the world in as a positive way as they saw. Their partnership at all times appeared as two good friends who lead two of the most powerful nations in the world.
Between them, and their allies things were more or less ok. When the ppl of Florida decided to scre… err… let me rephrase that.

When the ‘American people’ elected Bush to power,
quite naturally Blair sought to continue this close relationship. Not too bad an idea at the time even in spite of Bush’s seeming problem with speaking coherently over a period of time. However after 9/11 everything changed. The war in Afghanistan was not too bad a call to support. However, after that the nature of the relationship changed. All of a sudden Bush broke off on a tangent at full sprint, essentially pissing off everyone in his wake. Blair not wanting to jeopardize the relationship with the US took off after him…. .

Now I can’t blame Blair for his choice. A close partnership with the world’s most powerful nation is never really a bad idea and in the end when America (hopefully) gets a sensible president, he is counting on them to remember that Britain had their back when the going got tuff.
A huge sacrifice to make.
He essentially shot himself in the foot politically to remain in the good graces of Britain’s most powerfully ally.
Now it may sound away to many ppl but the repercussions of this most likely will spell good Britain and its citizens for some time to come. Added to that, you can bet that if Britain finds itself against the wall, they expect America to come running.

All in all I will say Blair was as good a leader as Clinton, But had to make some tuff unpopular decisions and tried to stay on the fence which is never easy, I don’t think he did it very well, others may differ, but his relationship with the rest of Europe or the rest of the world for that matter (not including Muslims of course) is not too badly damaged and its Relationship with the US is intact.

Mission accomplished?

One of Immortal's Songs that stand Out To Me

The 4th Branch

[Talking]
The new age is upon us
And yet the past refuses to rest in its shallow grave
For those who hide behind the false image of the son of man
shall stand before God!!! It has begun
The beginning of the end
Yeah..
Yeah... yeah, yeah

[Verse 1]
The voice of racism preaching the gospel is devilish
A fake church called the prophet Muhammad a terrorist
Forgetting God is not a religion, but a spiritual bond
And Jesus is the most quoted prophet in the Qu'ran
They bombed innocent people, tryin' to murder Saddam
When you gave him those chemical weapons to go to war with Iran
This is the information that they hold back from Peter Jennings
Cause Condoleeza Rice is just a new age Sally Hemmings
I break it down with critical language and spiritual anguish
The Judas I hang with, the guilt of betraying Christ
You murdered and stole his religion, and painting him white
Translated in psychologically tainted philosophy
Conservative political right wing, ideology
Glued together sloppily, the blasphemy of a nation
Got my back to the wall, cause I'm facin' assassination
Guantanamo Bay, federal incarceration
How could this be, the land of the free, home of the brave?
Indigenous holocaust, and the home of the slaves
Corporate America, dancin' offbeat to the rhythm
You really think this country, never sponsored terrorism?
Human rights violations, we continue the saga
El Savador and the contras in Nicaragua
And on top of that, you still wanna take me to prison
Just cause I won't trade humanity for patriotism

[Hook]
It's like MK-ULTRA, controlling your brain
Suggestive thinking, causing your perspective to change
They wanna rearrange the whole point of view of the ghetto
The fourth branch of the government, want us to settle
A bandana full of glittering, generality
Fighting for freedom and fighting terror, but what's reality?
Read about the history of the place that we live in
And stop letting corporate news tell lies to your children

[Verse 2]
Flow like the blood of Abraham through the Jews and the Arabs
Broken apart like a woman's heart, abused in a marriage
The brink of holy war, bottled up, like a miscarriage
Embedded correspondents don't tell the source of the tension
And they refuse to even mention, European intervention
Or the massacres in Jenin, the innocent screams
U.S. manufactured missles, and M-16's
Weapon contracts and corrupted American dreams
Media censorship, blocking out the video screens
A continent of oil kingdoms, bought for a bargain
Democracy is just a word, when the people are starvin'
The average citizen, made to be, blind to the reason
A desert full of genocide, where the bodies are freezin'
And the world doesn't believe that you fightin' for freedom
Cause you fucked the Middle East, and gave birth to a demon
It's open season with the CIA, bugging my crib
Trapped in a ghetto region like a Palestinian kid
Where nobody gives a f**k whether you die or you live
I'm tryin' to give the truth, and I know the price is my life
But when I'm gone they'll sing a song about Immortal Technique
Who beheaded the President, and the princes and sheiks
You don't give a f**k about us, I can see through your facade
Like a fallen angel standing in the presence of God
B*tch niggaz scared of the truth, when it looks at you hard

[Hook]
It's like MK-ULTRA, controlling your brain
Suggestive thinking, causing your perspective to change
They wanna rearrange the whole point of view in the ghetto
The fourth branch of the government, want us to settle
A bandana full of glittering, generality
Fighting for freedom and fighting terror, but what's reality?
Martial law is coming soon to the hood, to kill you
While you hanging your flag out your project window

[Talking]
Yeah..
The fourth branch of the government AKA the media
Seems to now have a retirement plan for ex-military officials
As if their opinion was at all unbiased
A machine shouldn't speak for men
So shut the f**k up you mindless drone!
And you know it's serious
When these same media outfits are spending millions of dollars on a PR campaign
To try to convince you they're fair and balanced
When they're some of the most ignorant, and racist people
Giving that type of mentality a safe haven
We act like we share in the spoils of war that they do
We die in wars, we don't get the contracts to make money off 'em afterwards!
We don't get weapons contracts, nigga!
We don't get cheap labor for our companies, nigga!
We are cheap labor, nigga!
Turn off the news and read, nigga!
Read... read... read...

Immortal Technique

I recently got an album by the rapper called Immortal Technique...
To say I think the man Is HYPE does not begin to cut it, His Social Commentary is matched only by Maybe Nas.
I mean this Man is on another level.
This is REAL rap. Social commentary at its finest, Not only does he deal with the typical Black American Issues but this man touches everything From Human rights to the Media to the Death to religion. The man "Keeps It Real" an just too many levels.
Sigh.... I can’t even express how bad this man is u all need to check his album out.

Playing pan

All this time have been playing pan I realized I have in general been playing too loud (ye ye whatever guys, very funny :p )
It is an interesting concept that came about when KK, while teaching us to play a song made the comment that the lead should never strive to play above those supporting, but rather those supporting should “make a space” for the lead.

It was an enormous revelation that had me cringing. My volume typically for playing songs ranged from loud to louder, depending on my enthusiasm for the song. Now, however, I find that songs actually sound better. Even more embarrassing is that I am also realizing quite often when a song sounded noisy it was my pan that was playing too loudly and not others :s … ah well we cant all be perfect.

All this was re-enforced even further by ‘musical Director’ or whoever he was from “Skiffle Bunch” that was running a pan workshop the other day. He pointed how in a particular song how all the other sections played behind whatever section had the lead, no matter the volume they played at…. Again I cringed.

The sad part is this was not the first time this has been mentioned to me, but for some reason when KK was talking to the band it finally hit me. Now songs sound way better at least when I am playing. The flip side to this of course is the fact that now I have to focus on my control… this automatically eliminates much of my bouncing and moving around the pan… not cool.
Fortunately B and I had a talk about antics around the pan a while back, and what she said was that if we are going to doing antics when on a playout, or performing anywhere for that matter, we should practice these antics so that they come naturally to us….. easier said than done.
I realize that once my feet start moving my control is reduced. I am pleased to say it is not as bad as before, but I have a long way to go.

What strikes me though, Is that I remember looking at video of a previous concert where myself and Mark2 were playing. For the whole concert while playing I thought we were doing the same moves, but on looking on the vid I realize M2’s moves were much more subdued…. Maybe that’s why he was the best player on the section?

In any case, the time I can easily dedicate to pan has been greatly reduced and I find it hard to discipline myself to find that extra time for the panyard, but I am working on it. Sigh.. you never really know what you have till its gone, at a time such as this when I am ready to really work on improving my technique the people who use to try to help me (to whom I rarely listened) are not around, ah well such is life.

The Skiffle bunch really impressed me and has made me feel a need to really improve my playing skills. With respect to being section leader HA! Boy I tell you
But that is for another blog we’ll see how it turns out