This Thursday I actually got annoyed with the band. Here we were getting an excellent opportunity to play with the other bands in the Island... and we almost didn't take it... there was NO sense of urgency... NO drive... NO desire to find a way.. someway, to overcome whatever difficulties we faced to play at this event....
I don't know why but it hurt me.. and finally I begin to see why ppl leave..... I love to perform.. its a big part of why I stay in the band. Needless to say My mainstay is a concert... a concert makes everything I sacrifice for pan worthwhile (that and the summer lyme).
But i digress
That night was a stark reminder that not everyone has the same priorities and desires as I do..... thats just life and everyone has a right to live their own... Now i seriously wonder;
If i want to perform is Panoridim the place for me? I mean for concerts most definitely, but.... for the rest of the year?
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
My home town
This morning I heard the number of people murdered in Montego Bay since the start of the year has risen to 25.
I remember there was point where I use to think I didn't want to move to Kingston because it was way too violent. How long ago that seems.. now I fear going home . So sad , More than anything I want my parents to move, but the question is where? Where in Montego bay is safe? where in Jamaican is safe for that matter. (sigh)
You know the worse part in all of this.. in yesterdays news there was a report about a police man being killed and the first thought that came to mind was that he prob was a corrupt cop that got too greedy with the criminals that he was dealing with.... At what point did my impression of the police force get so low? :S
This the level at which my home town has reached... a point where I cant tell the criminals from the police? But what can one do?
The more I listen to the news of late the more I feel the need for the return of Adams... We are at a point where being a policeman means nothing... they can be attacked and killed like anybody else :S call me naive but I want a police force that criminals fear. I want to know that Police are near untouchable and that the consiquences for attacking them would be dire. Why do I want this you ask? Because I want to know at least that If I need to run to the police for protection then I will be protected... I mean I know they are currupt and that ppl like Adams are cold blooded murderers, but I want to know that my police force is capable of protecting themselves and by extension me....
I may be wrong, but at least in mobay we are fast approaching the point where we must fight fire power with fire power... I can't find it in me to have much remorse for these people... Everyday I hear news from Mobay my heart skips a beat as I wait to hear if i recognize any of the names they call... this is no way to live... no way to live at all....
I remember there was point where I use to think I didn't want to move to Kingston because it was way too violent. How long ago that seems.. now I fear going home . So sad , More than anything I want my parents to move, but the question is where? Where in Montego bay is safe? where in Jamaican is safe for that matter. (sigh)
You know the worse part in all of this.. in yesterdays news there was a report about a police man being killed and the first thought that came to mind was that he prob was a corrupt cop that got too greedy with the criminals that he was dealing with.... At what point did my impression of the police force get so low? :S
This the level at which my home town has reached... a point where I cant tell the criminals from the police? But what can one do?
The more I listen to the news of late the more I feel the need for the return of Adams... We are at a point where being a policeman means nothing... they can be attacked and killed like anybody else :S call me naive but I want a police force that criminals fear. I want to know that Police are near untouchable and that the consiquences for attacking them would be dire. Why do I want this you ask? Because I want to know at least that If I need to run to the police for protection then I will be protected... I mean I know they are currupt and that ppl like Adams are cold blooded murderers, but I want to know that my police force is capable of protecting themselves and by extension me....
I may be wrong, but at least in mobay we are fast approaching the point where we must fight fire power with fire power... I can't find it in me to have much remorse for these people... Everyday I hear news from Mobay my heart skips a beat as I wait to hear if i recognize any of the names they call... this is no way to live... no way to live at all....
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Another Life lesson
Interesting life lesson I have been taught over the pass 2 months. I still am in the course have yet to to do the final test, i.e. learn to actually incorporate it into my life;
Go after/Take what you want, you may just be allowed to have it.
Go after/Take what you want, you may just be allowed to have it.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Thursday, October 12, 2006
My Princess Gone
Ok so I would figure that seeing that there has always been a tug of war between spending time with my GF and my other friends, her being away would not be too hard as I now could spend as much time with everyone else as I use to. I mean I fully well expected to miss her but figured that I’d lyme enough to keep myself distracted
WRONG!
I literally think about her every minute, there is just something about absence… I don’t know
And every day I am just thinking the 2 weeks are getting longer and longer. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the time with my friends but… I don’t know
A perfect example is yesterday, I ran out of credit the day before and seeing that I running on a budget I decided to wait a day before I called. Can I tell you that was almost physically painful, I mean every 2 seconds I am taking up the phone to call. Totally pathetic if you ask me (Go Away CB). The worst part is if she was here I wouldn’t feel such a great need to call, Mind you I don’t think we have ever gone a day without calling each other but still… Of course I had to get a phone card…
**sigh** this 2 weeks is gonna be long
WRONG!
I literally think about her every minute, there is just something about absence… I don’t know
And every day I am just thinking the 2 weeks are getting longer and longer. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy the time with my friends but… I don’t know
A perfect example is yesterday, I ran out of credit the day before and seeing that I running on a budget I decided to wait a day before I called. Can I tell you that was almost physically painful, I mean every 2 seconds I am taking up the phone to call. Totally pathetic if you ask me (Go Away CB). The worst part is if she was here I wouldn’t feel such a great need to call, Mind you I don’t think we have ever gone a day without calling each other but still… Of course I had to get a phone card…
**sigh** this 2 weeks is gonna be long
Monday, October 02, 2006
Birthday.. again
Well my birthday is rolling around again, and as can be expected I find myself dreading the day coming around again. It not that I hate my bday but as I said before I really don’t like celebrating it. I cringe at telling people the exact day for fear they may want to do something (sigh).
In any case It’s just apart of life and one of the things one has to go through.
In any case It’s just apart of life and one of the things one has to go through.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Chess in 10th grade
I do not use ‘foul’ language simply because I choose not. It no longer holds a fascination for me. I will use if needed but I realize that the less you use it the profound it is when you do.
I went through ‘foul-mouth’ hay day in tenth grade where every other word during a chess match was punctuated with the first curse word that came to mind.
I became very proficient in its use and it became almost second nature.
I must say that we were so bad that they almost banned chess playing because of us, But then you have to understand teachers dilemma… You pass a classroom and you all you hear is chairs moving and guys shouting the most foul of languages at the top of their lungs and you walking expecting to see either a fight, football game or some illegal magazine, only to find every one sounding 3 to four tables each with game of chess going on.
Mind you fights did break out over these chess games. Those guys were passionate about it. The best players were not always the most bookish; in fact one of them rarely attended classes had very poor grades and essentially was a ‘bad man’. Actually I suspect he was in a gang.
It was on of the things I loved about my time in 10grd. The great diversity in our backgrounds and our outlooks took second place to out love for the game. It was a melding of great minds.
I will not brag and say I was the best. I was amongst the best, after a while ppl became careful of whom they challenged. I remember on person in particular, I honestly thought he was the best player in the class, but he use to run from matches he thought he would loose
Playing against him was like playing against a brick wall unstoppable that fellow.. He could have beat every one but for whatever reason he doubted his own skill
He definitely beat me more times than I beat him.
Boy thinking about it I do miss that about tenth grade, the endless chess matches every lunchtime… sigh. I must say that I don’t think any of us joined the schools chess club or team for that matter
This was just a bunch of guys wanting flex their mental prowess and see who was better.
Who said testosterone was bad?
I went through ‘foul-mouth’ hay day in tenth grade where every other word during a chess match was punctuated with the first curse word that came to mind.
I became very proficient in its use and it became almost second nature.
I must say that we were so bad that they almost banned chess playing because of us, But then you have to understand teachers dilemma… You pass a classroom and you all you hear is chairs moving and guys shouting the most foul of languages at the top of their lungs and you walking expecting to see either a fight, football game or some illegal magazine, only to find every one sounding 3 to four tables each with game of chess going on.
Mind you fights did break out over these chess games. Those guys were passionate about it. The best players were not always the most bookish; in fact one of them rarely attended classes had very poor grades and essentially was a ‘bad man’. Actually I suspect he was in a gang.
It was on of the things I loved about my time in 10grd. The great diversity in our backgrounds and our outlooks took second place to out love for the game. It was a melding of great minds.
I will not brag and say I was the best. I was amongst the best, after a while ppl became careful of whom they challenged. I remember on person in particular, I honestly thought he was the best player in the class, but he use to run from matches he thought he would loose
Playing against him was like playing against a brick wall unstoppable that fellow.. He could have beat every one but for whatever reason he doubted his own skill
He definitely beat me more times than I beat him.
Boy thinking about it I do miss that about tenth grade, the endless chess matches every lunchtime… sigh. I must say that I don’t think any of us joined the schools chess club or team for that matter
This was just a bunch of guys wanting flex their mental prowess and see who was better.
Who said testosterone was bad?
Apologizing.
Hmmm. The art of apologizing.
We all have a need some point our lives to apologize, lets face we aren’t that perfect. Of late however I find apologizing is hard, not because I feel I am right or anything like that. Rather its because I am tired.
I don’t think I apologize more often than anyone else but I find that saying words don’t mean much, even coming out of my own mouth. In my mind my actions should show my apology more so than my words…
However being that I interact with humans I realize that the words carry some symbolism to them and so I say them… I must admit to myself that they mean something when people say it to me.
I guess the primary means of expressing emotion between humans is the use of words. As such, remorse and the associated feelings are typically expressed through this medium.
This leaves a peculiar problem for me… I really am tired of saying sorry, it is really hard for me to express how hollow it sounds to myself. Don’t get me wrong I am sorry… well usually, if I think I am in the wrong…. and I do… ahh… usually… intend to do better.
I guess this is another rule/guideline that governs human interaction that one should adhere to…boy we humans are something else.
We all have a need some point our lives to apologize, lets face we aren’t that perfect. Of late however I find apologizing is hard, not because I feel I am right or anything like that. Rather its because I am tired.
I don’t think I apologize more often than anyone else but I find that saying words don’t mean much, even coming out of my own mouth. In my mind my actions should show my apology more so than my words…
However being that I interact with humans I realize that the words carry some symbolism to them and so I say them… I must admit to myself that they mean something when people say it to me.
I guess the primary means of expressing emotion between humans is the use of words. As such, remorse and the associated feelings are typically expressed through this medium.
This leaves a peculiar problem for me… I really am tired of saying sorry, it is really hard for me to express how hollow it sounds to myself. Don’t get me wrong I am sorry… well usually, if I think I am in the wrong…. and I do… ahh… usually… intend to do better.
I guess this is another rule/guideline that governs human interaction that one should adhere to…boy we humans are something else.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Playing pan
All this time have been playing pan I realized I have in general been playing too loud (ye ye whatever guys, very funny :p )
It is an interesting concept that came about when KK, while teaching us to play a song made the comment that the lead should never strive to play above those supporting, but rather those supporting should “make a space” for the lead.
It was an enormous revelation that had me cringing. My volume typically for playing songs ranged from loud to louder, depending on my enthusiasm for the song. Now, however, I find that songs actually sound better. Even more embarrassing is that I am also realizing quite often when a song sounded noisy it was my pan that was playing too loudly and not others :s … ah well we cant all be perfect.
All this was re-enforced even further by ‘musical Director’ or whoever he was from “Skiffle Bunch” that was running a pan workshop the other day. He pointed how in a particular song how all the other sections played behind whatever section had the lead, no matter the volume they played at…. Again I cringed.
The sad part is this was not the first time this has been mentioned to me, but for some reason when KK was talking to the band it finally hit me. Now songs sound way better at least when I am playing. The flip side to this of course is the fact that now I have to focus on my control… this automatically eliminates much of my bouncing and moving around the pan… not cool.
Fortunately B and I had a talk about antics around the pan a while back, and what she said was that if we are going to doing antics when on a playout, or performing anywhere for that matter, we should practice these antics so that they come naturally to us….. easier said than done.
I realize that once my feet start moving my control is reduced. I am pleased to say it is not as bad as before, but I have a long way to go.
What strikes me though, Is that I remember looking at video of a previous concert where myself and Mark2 were playing. For the whole concert while playing I thought we were doing the same moves, but on looking on the vid I realize M2’s moves were much more subdued…. Maybe that’s why he was the best player on the section?
In any case, the time I can easily dedicate to pan has been greatly reduced and I find it hard to discipline myself to find that extra time for the panyard, but I am working on it. Sigh.. you never really know what you have till its gone, at a time such as this when I am ready to really work on improving my technique the people who use to try to help me (to whom I rarely listened) are not around, ah well such is life.
The Skiffle bunch really impressed me and has made me feel a need to really improve my playing skills. With respect to being section leader HA! Boy I tell you
But that is for another blog we’ll see how it turns out
It is an interesting concept that came about when KK, while teaching us to play a song made the comment that the lead should never strive to play above those supporting, but rather those supporting should “make a space” for the lead.
It was an enormous revelation that had me cringing. My volume typically for playing songs ranged from loud to louder, depending on my enthusiasm for the song. Now, however, I find that songs actually sound better. Even more embarrassing is that I am also realizing quite often when a song sounded noisy it was my pan that was playing too loudly and not others :s … ah well we cant all be perfect.
All this was re-enforced even further by ‘musical Director’ or whoever he was from “Skiffle Bunch” that was running a pan workshop the other day. He pointed how in a particular song how all the other sections played behind whatever section had the lead, no matter the volume they played at…. Again I cringed.
The sad part is this was not the first time this has been mentioned to me, but for some reason when KK was talking to the band it finally hit me. Now songs sound way better at least when I am playing. The flip side to this of course is the fact that now I have to focus on my control… this automatically eliminates much of my bouncing and moving around the pan… not cool.
Fortunately B and I had a talk about antics around the pan a while back, and what she said was that if we are going to doing antics when on a playout, or performing anywhere for that matter, we should practice these antics so that they come naturally to us….. easier said than done.
I realize that once my feet start moving my control is reduced. I am pleased to say it is not as bad as before, but I have a long way to go.
What strikes me though, Is that I remember looking at video of a previous concert where myself and Mark2 were playing. For the whole concert while playing I thought we were doing the same moves, but on looking on the vid I realize M2’s moves were much more subdued…. Maybe that’s why he was the best player on the section?
In any case, the time I can easily dedicate to pan has been greatly reduced and I find it hard to discipline myself to find that extra time for the panyard, but I am working on it. Sigh.. you never really know what you have till its gone, at a time such as this when I am ready to really work on improving my technique the people who use to try to help me (to whom I rarely listened) are not around, ah well such is life.
The Skiffle bunch really impressed me and has made me feel a need to really improve my playing skills. With respect to being section leader HA! Boy I tell you
But that is for another blog we’ll see how it turns out
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Why I choose BBC
Below are the feeds I get from CNN and BBC.
Now when a International News station cant find anything other than a “Polygamist's car packed with cash, wigs, phones” to report on then...
CNN.com
· Ernesto moves over Florida - 2 hours ago
· Troops charged in Iraqi killing face hearings - 31 minutes ago
· FAA: Kentucky tower staffing violated rules - 4 hours ago
· SUV hits 14 people in 20 minute rampage, 1 dead - 53 minutes ago
· Polygamist's car packed with cash, wigs, phones - 10 hours ago
BBC News | News Front Page | World Edition
· Olmert firm on Lebanon blockade - one hour ago
· 'Military' killed Lanka aid staff - one hour ago
· Iraq bomb attacks claim 44 lives - one hour ago
· Many Zimbabweans still homeless - 8 hours ago
· Hackers steal AT&T data - 2 hours ago
Now when a International News station cant find anything other than a “Polygamist's car packed with cash, wigs, phones” to report on then...
CNN.com
· Ernesto moves over Florida - 2 hours ago
· Troops charged in Iraqi killing face hearings - 31 minutes ago
· FAA: Kentucky tower staffing violated rules - 4 hours ago
· SUV hits 14 people in 20 minute rampage, 1 dead - 53 minutes ago
· Polygamist's car packed with cash, wigs, phones - 10 hours ago
BBC News | News Front Page | World Edition
· Olmert firm on Lebanon blockade - one hour ago
· 'Military' killed Lanka aid staff - one hour ago
· Iraq bomb attacks claim 44 lives - one hour ago
· Many Zimbabweans still homeless - 8 hours ago
· Hackers steal AT&T data - 2 hours ago
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)